Love

To: Edison Tiah,

To me, i can say that i'm not ready for loving someone or to be loved by someone. I'm kinna blur about it. What's love actually?? I really have no idea.. i knew the defination but i don't know how to handle it. I'm a person who can't handle and control my feelings..meaning, i cant handle them properly at all! No control at all too..So do you think im'm ready for love?? Frankly speaking, i sucks a lot when comes to love.. I'm now full of complications handling this. One in brunei and one in malaysia..distance is really far apart..saying that you lost confidence on him is false..i never try to stop believing him. you.. The major problem is what i've said previously, i'm actually not ready. Trying to push away and stepping a step back again i think is the best choice i've done but why did i start it over again? I don't understand myself. I feel like a fully jerk fooling your feelings..shall i end it again or continue.. really stress and bothered me alot. This really bothered me quite a long time till i refuse to text or reply your messages. I know that's rude and irresponssible, but i have no other choice. I really don't know how to open up my mouth and tell you that the choice i've made that day is wrong..i should think clearly before i start it all over again..you're right edison..sorry about all this..You can hate me, i won't stop you because i'm the one who made this big mistake. Blacklist this kind of me.. I'm not like what you said previously, i'm not! Trying to push you away, the step i took is avoiding you..i know you knew it for sure. Don't try to lie to yourself. I don't even want to lie myself too. That's why i chose this. End quickly to avoid deep hurts. I don't wish to hurt you again..We've said to each other before if this last time we still can't go through no more other chance, remember? You've been a good boyfriend i've ever had at this moment. But everything which is unstable has to end it with a fullstop which is done and over. I appreciate your love you gave to me. I appreciate the gift you gave to me but i can't do it anymore.. i dont have confidence too.. I'm wrong..really wrong..i'm sorry. I'm worst than alyssa..i hurt you three times more than she did..i'm deeply sorry. I decided to write all my feelings here to you because i worried i can't open up my mouth to speak to you in person. Like i said, you can hate me for that but don't worrybecause i'll never and wont appear to you from today onwards when and after you read this. Not gonna appear to you even i go back. And we'll never will meet up again. Last but not least, hope you get someone much more triple better than i do..take care.