Calm Night

I'm feeling so down now. Am waiting for him to go online. I was planning to dial him this noon but i didn't..I controlled myself instead. When is he going online? When can i have the chance to chat with him? Hmm..i really hope he can be online now though..I just can't stop thinking about him. oh, what should i do? I hope siew leng is here now so that she can teach me how and what to do..siew leng.......help me please..i need your help so much now..i'm so clueless now. Maybe i'm just thinking too much. Maybe if he and i didnt meet i won't have this kind of feeling. Maybe if i continue my A level in Maktab Duli; Md..he and i won't meet. Maybe if i choose not to study now i won't have the chance to see him and know him as well as fall for him. Maybe maybe maybe...there's no maybe in this world!!!! I need treatments now........T.T Wong Siew Leng get yourself show up now and help your buddy me~~~T.T. My paranoid disease is coming again.......Oh no...*sigh* i find that my life now, at this particular moment dosen't even suit for thinking about love since i've failed trice. Why is my life like that? Why can't i be like either karen then or michelle wong..can always have their partners besides them when they need them. Sometimes i get envy on them but what can i do? What i can do is to wish them and be happy and continue my journey. What's actually more important to us? Career or Love? Some said career, some said love. To me, i don't know. Now, listening to some songs made me more down..thinking back alot of my past. Thinking back what karen had apologized to me for what she had done to me, thinking back how i treated siew leng. thinking back what michelle had told me. I promised siew leng to forgive and forget..but why am i still thinking about these? All because of "person A"..not because of him, i won't kept thinking of him. Because of him too, made me feel so unhappy. Because of him, i cannot even concentrate on the things i'm doing..all because of him..*sigh* The normal me is not like that! not like that!! why am i totally changed? why? I thought i should be doing what i am supposed to do..that is study and concentrate not this..i promised myself that after i ended with tiah..what am i thinking now??? Mable...stop thinking about him, it's not worth it..so stop it!! Geez, i don't know whether he's trying to pretend nothing happened or what? why is he so brainless..can't he feel something unusual when a girl gives something to him all in a sudden?? Can't he feel something?? Siew Leng~~~~~~~~~~~~~~