Fair Day

Today, don't know how to describe my day. It's complicated..simply to say, i'm upset because i got a feeling that the person i love dosen't love me but is having a crush with my sis. Although it's just a feeling, it made me feel so terrific which mad me dosen't know how to react to it. To prevent showing out my sadness i have to express it with laughters..I know it's awkward..but i told myself that i have to control my own emotions..what am i doing actually? Should i accept someone else? so confused..i'm really seeking the last previous mable kum..where's she? The old mable kum dosen't even think about love that badly..she thinks that she can live without love existing but now, why the new mable kum's totally the opposite way? What i've always been putting at the first place is my dream career?? where's it? I remembered last year during my birthday, i celebrated in muara beach with karen then and tay, michelle and her sis, joel, shim, my mum, dad, sis..i went to the water area..put my wish letter into a glass bottle and threw it into the sea..by the second the bottle get off my hands..the heart was praying for it to come true and a tear rolled down my eyes..It's been more than a year now..where's my bottle wish gone? Under the sea bed? Will it still come true? May my wishes written inside come true? I hope if let me go back to muara beach, i hope i can get back the bottle wish and take out the wishing letter and burn it instead as i know the wished i've made for the past 8 years will never ever get to happen on me..since i didn't even have the opportunity to try to make them come true..i never gave any efforts out and do anything..do you think they will still come true without any efforts done?? If it does..that's unbelievable..Bottle wish is just a story tale..idiot dude like me..only does try it..As i aged up, i finally understands that things you hoped to happen won't happen just in a blink of eye if u wished it would happen. If really want it to happen..show up some efforts..Life is hard, but what to do? Love's not important..but love gives confidence instead..Through it, you can get supports from the person who really loves and cares you..Through love, you can feel you're protected against anything..but what's actually love? How about dream? I don't want to let go them..i don't wish to..what kind of efforts can i do? what kind? Hiding my real feelings inside me made me feel like dying inside cause i can;t stand it..Its awful..it hurts..really....