Fair Day

Oh god~ my ankle is getting bad to worst..hurts a lot!!! I think it's because i overdo my yoga..so spraint my ankle. Gosh it's alraedy 3 days..and the pain dosen't go away so far..Anyway today's 1/1/09!! New year has started bt 'o8 has ended..time really flies fast! In another blink of eye, 2010 comes..not long..sigh..times flies dramatically fast which worried me. If time flies fast, i aged up faster, and so have to face my own new coming future and stay independent. By that time, i'll definately be away from my families and friends..i actually don't really hope this will happen so quickly cause i somehow haven't get ready..Since 2009 started, i gotta do something to regain my convidence which i have in me so that i'm ready to face this society myself. Heard that this new year, economy falls. I really hope although economy falls my lucks won't be affected. And since today is the first day of new year, i would like to wish my depression can recover totally so that i can start my new life and be the old Mable Kum, a happy fruit girl..i mean lady..at this age now..i don't wish to be a girl anymore..lady is much more better..haha..and i also wish although the course i'm currently studying now is not what i wanted, i hope after my this diploma i hope the dream i always wantes and hoped since 8 years, i can continue making it come true as soon as possible. I'll try my best to work out more and show out all my efforts which have been kept inside myself for 8 years so that i can achieve my dreams. Dreams can be turn to reality if we believe in ourselves. With our confidence nothing can block our way to success if you really want what you want in you life. Don't look down on ourself like i have before..it made you a negative person. Today, i thought of alot of things when i sat on the dining table alone..thinking what i really want in my life. Do i really wanna be a baker? Honestly, baker dosen't suit how i looked like..but to make my mum satisfied i have no other choice..what i really want is i don't wanna be an ordinary lady at all..Forciing myself to do one thing, the feeling is horrible..pretending you really like what i'm studying..I should have gone for interview straight away one of the music company when i just came over here..i really regret! Siew Leng, i made you disappointed..i told you by the year 2010..you'll see me on air like my idol..haha..do you remember? I don't think it can come true anymore..now's alraedy 2009..do you think i have enough time? I still remember when i told you that..i was full of hope in mind that i can do it and i will definately..I thought of that because i never knew the society now is hard to cope..hard till i tried to commit a suicide to myself...Your support to me never stops although we're not next to eachother..and i still remember, when we're in form 3..when the teacher is teaching..(forgot which subject teacher alraedy)..we both sang "ru guo de shi" still remember?? and u said my voice sounds like angela..lolz..you supported me a lot you know leng..even during the RTB singing contest 2007..you gave me a full support..but i disappointed you..that situation when i was in dat room..looking around sawing the people siting down there starring at me when i was on the middle of the stage..i felt so uneasy and i can't concentrate which made me that result..actually when i entered that room before my turn..i was so in confident that i can do it..but i don't know why it ended up the opposite way...if time can be rewind again..i'll can tell that i can do better than that..much more better..sandra can did it to semi finals because i was the one started first before she and karen..and because i told her how is the was inside the room , she got herself prepared and got ready..so she made it..but i can't..i was envy about it..but i can't do anything because i was the one who told her how it feels..i didn't tell you this before because i worried if i said it *they* think that i'm so called *small gas*. So i kept it to myself..But now, to restore my confidence i need something to compete against. It was kinna unfair to me till now. But there's no such thing as fair in this world..Yesterday, hafiz told me that he got broke up with his gf..That girl was our junior..i never saw her before though..he said at first she was a nice girl. Although she's not pretty he still treated her like a princess..he taught her how to love herself..so now, because of him, she became prettier according what he said la..she now turn her back away from him after what he changed her. He said it was unfair to him..without a proper reason, she declared a break with him and went with another guy. And i told him that there's no such thing as fair in this world and society we're living now. Although you think that its unfair..you still have to cope with it and accept the fact..When i said that..i learnt something again although that sentence was me who said it..i never know i could say those words out from my heart you know..so it made me understood that life is not as easy as u think before..although now you think that your life is like a piece of plain paper..From this plain paper, you can slowly find that this plain paper no longer remain plain after all..we just have to believe ourselves in what we're doing..if we think it's right to do follow ourselves. Don't scared of what people will say..let them say..see how long they can gossip about you...Be more confident..don't let anyone look down on you, especially yourself...*sigh*And i wanna try to give someone a chance not mun seng..don't know did i do his right? I hope he can understand my hints..