Bad year

It's been a bad year for me this year..seems like im not really enjoying 2010..alot of things distracting me..9/3/2010, my dearest granduncle because of a n accident leave me and his families..i couldnt cry as i was too schocked. All in a sudden i was informed to go to the hospital, to the corpse room to recognise his body..when i entered the room, i could hardly breathe..bcz i knew it was him..when i looked at his face..i knew he was in pain..his chest ribs were crushed and his heart was punchured..i still couldnt cry out..his image was all in my mind from that moment..the moment i wanna refresh myself..forcing myself to rest my mind..the first person who appeared to me is sean..honestly, i dunno what i wanna do when i realized he's still in my heart..i will not confess to him about my feelings anymore..i dun wanna get rejected anymore..it's hurt to be rejected when u finally knew that u loved him.. i was the one who announced break..so i dun have the rights asking him to be by my side anymore..i told jon, about my feelings..he asked me not to give up..how can i dont give up when he had already rejected my request twice? I was always the one giving advices and help them to feel better, make them smile..but who can heal me back? I'm really very upset now but no one knows..my heart was filled with regrets which suffocates me..what can i do to make myself feeling better?