박현아

Heading up and looking forward

2012-02-02T04:06:00.000-08:00

Happy Chinese New Year and 2012 is here! Being rumored that 2012 is end of the year? is that really true? Whether it is or not, I'll live my life up till the end. In this brand new 2012 i would really want to re transform myself by staying alone without any fear. Perhaps, being alone in 2012 is not a bad thing at all. Freedoms ( wishing to go anywhere i want by going out away from close friends and my beloved families and work elsewhere..) could even migrate to that "elsewhere" if i finally could let go everything. I had a friend who told me to re-plan my plans. Should i? Re-planning everything is actually a hard thing to do..it's just like re-doing a proposal. But, i would give up, totally give up my plans for someone whom is worth for me to stay. Lolz, but i don't think this will happen especially on me. So, re plan...i don't think i will..

sigh...re- plan will just make me fell totally lost and blank just like the above desert...and so it's hard for me to change my mind. Change, to human its easy to say but it's hard to fulfill it. It's not just by saying it can do it.....

Drawing up

2011-10-21T02:02:00.000-07:00

Time flies fast thus life is short. After knewing one friend of mine had left to a far away land, my heart punctured badly. Was once a friend is always a friend. There's no such thing as goodbye to one another except for leaving and gone for good but still, we would still be friends. Although gone to a far away land, you will always be in my mind and still be a part of us around, you will still be remembered among us. (p/s: Baljeet, we hoped you could rest in peace, may god lead you to the light where you could really rest in peace.Although god took you early away from the earth, your moments with us before will never be erased. Although you never will return, i wished you could guide your parents and your family from where you are now.May you protect them and bless them. i would love to thank jesus for allowing us to meet and be friends back then. a nice and warming friend you were...once again, rest in peace.)

One of my friend told me today that life is full of hope but to me, life is full of complications and full of risks as the world now is no longer it was before. Everything seemed to be in danger, our every single day for a normal rank human would always be feared for lacking cash in their wallet, banks because of the financial problems in this society. Government tends to think of themselves more, increasing everything but never tends to think of their people who are suffering. We worked so hard but at the end, not much income in return. It's still not enough to make a living. The standard of living in here really is high. No wonder everywhere is in danger. Murders, Robberies, Poverties are all happening around. What's most feared were the victims. Life is precious thus easily to be taken away just like that so is accidents on roads like baljeet did in canada. Eveysingle little moments going on in our life is always dangerous. You never know when it's your turn.

Rain poured almost everyday this month. As i feel the droplets hitting on my palm made me smile. Hearing the rain pour, made my mind clear, Feeling the wind, refreshed me.Heard the thunder, alerted me. After the rain stopped, made me felt peace when seeing the how clear the view infront me was than before. After all, i re call him again. feeling full of regrets in my choice i made. i hated myself more and more. I should have grabbed him tight and never had let him go. I should have run back to him, i should have apologize to him, i shouldnt have give up so easily. I shouldn't run away and gave him to somebody else.. I couldn't let go, i couldn't resist. Till now, i can honestly say, i'm not fully letting fo it yet although i knew he and i could never be how we used to be anymore but i'll try my best to let this go one day and accept someone else who loves me. And for this time, i'll never give up easily anymmore. Because giving up will made me regret, giving up will make me lose myself. I'm drawing up each day of mine to be a brand new day, a brand new me and a brand new start..as life is short, and i worried i have no enough time to spend. No one knows what will happen tomorrow and the day after tomorrow to me..

Almost

2011-10-16T23:34:00.000-07:00

Can you tell me
How can one miss what she's never had
How could I reminisce when there is no past
How could I have memories of being happy with you boy
Could someone tell me how can this be
How could my mind pull up incidents
Recall dates and times that never happened
How could we celebrate a love that's to late
And how could I really mean the words I'm bout to say

I missed the times that we almost shared
I miss the love that was almost there
I miss the times that we use to kiss
At least in my dreams
Just let me take the time and reminisce
I miss the times that we never had
What happened to us we were almost there
Whoever said it's impossible to miss when you never had
Never almost had you

I cannot believe I let you go
Or what I should say I should've grabbed you up and never let you go
I should've went out with you
I should've made you my boo boy
Yes that's one time I should've broke the rules
I should've went on a date
Should've found a way to escape
Should've turned a almost into
If it happened now its to late
How could I celebrate a love that wasn't real
And if it didn't happen why does my heart feel

I missed the times that we almost shared
I miss the love that was almost there
I miss the times that we use to kiss
At least in my dreams
Just let me take the time and reminisce
I miss the times that we never had
What happened to us we were almost there
Whoever said it's impossible to miss when you never had
Never almost had you

This song suits me a lot..it reviewed my love story i used to have and i would love dedicate this song to my ex whom i still loved if there's a chance although i knew nothing will happen in between us again..

Disappointment

2011-10-04T08:55:00.003-07:00

It has really been a while posting up here.Life in here really upset me much simply, everything.A lot beside and even around me changed, got good and got bad.Losing the first love eventually really spoilled my entire feelings for the next, next and next and so on. Unfortunately..then I realized I myself did change as well. I couldn't believe this is actually me and now after realizing, I knew why and what made me changed. I don't wanna kept on being the one i used to be. It's they who forced me to be the one I am now. This is life..the thought of always ending my own life is no longer in my mind now but change. My change is sudden even I don't get use to myself yet..it's just so unbelievable that I really did what I never expected myself to really actually did it but I did and was done.

Trust, trusting a guy is no longer in my list.anymore. All guys to me are jerks. They are the one who made me feel disgusted. Guys are just so liars..good in acting. But I just hate it..there's this sentence I once went through "when there's an apple spoiled, so are the rest" I'm trying to re trust them buti realized they are just the same kind. Wanting me to be serious in one relationship is just o far away for me to get rid of these facts!

Working in JW MARRIOTT, isn't enjoying anyhow but not much to complained, society, real world are like that and I have to face it since I knew other working areas has these kind of so called politics internally.

I don't wanna feel paranoid in every single little things but it's hard..I'm frustrated in everything around me which is faking..I'm sick of it and I just don't wanna look at it at all..leaving this workingplace is a good choice of mine, secondly, have the plans to leave this particular country is also a very righty one for me as well so the hatred in here won't be too much.though..

After knowing the facts of everything around, there's no one to be trusted excluding myself..I only can trust my instincts..I lost trust in me, I lost the faith in me and these could made me lose myself..and so I can't I have to stand right back up..maybe Malaysia isn't a right place for me...so, it's time for me to leave very soon..the piece of me now is just like missing parts of the puzzle..the missing parts in me...
TRUST
FAITH
CONFIDENT
Andthats it to every relationship I had and so will be the recently one..my sign for leaving every each of this will be silent...and silence

Confusion....

2011-01-08T07:30:00.000-08:00

Change hurts. It makes people insecure, confused, and angry. People want things to be the same as they've always been, because that makes life easier. But, if you're a leader, you can't let your people hang on to the past.Sometimes I'm confused by what I think is really obvious. But what I think is really obvious obviously isn't obvious...What should i do, how to solve my confusions? I'd always hoped ans wished to stand up on this real world. But now, when this really happened, i'm starting to get nervous, scared and nervous. Friends says" Mable, why u so quiet?" "You'd change.." I thought and realized it after all. Due to these confusions i had since training days, i changed into a quiet, lonesome girl. I even fear to speak up, honestly speak up to my best friend about how and what i'm feeling. I'd waited for 3 years just to meet her again unfortunately, once i saw her, i just can't open up my heart and share with the sourness i had. What's life? Life has infinite definitions to different people. To me, i find that my life was wonderful..my mom gave birth to me, my dad raised me, my sisters cared me, my grandma loved me, my uncles/aunts worried me but i found that i'm still lonely as i'd placed myself under a complicated state, confusions arise every time i'm trying to make once decision..i may even think, why should i stand on this state? why and how hard i tried to make myself like somebody else..happy, enjoying with friends around..why whenever i tried that, i may pushed myself out from the crowd and stay aside to a quiet corner. May think jumping off the building like the suiciders did..can it really settle these stressing and confusing life i had? I always told my friends beside me to stay happy, don't think too much, don't look back, be strong..but what am i..i'm lost..i found myself a great loser around my friends and family..starting my future, having no confidence is really a loser..im disappointed..so disappointed on myself..i'd let myself down..why am i so paranoid? why these bothered me so much...why...?

再见,单身 zai jian, dan shen

2010-11-18T19:42:00.000-08:00

分离总想逃避总要伤透了心

fen li zhong xiang tao bi zhong yao shang tou le xin

沉溺怀疑沉溺哭泣让人闭上眼睛

chen ni huai yi chen ni ku qi rang ren bi shang yan jing

相遇是种奇迹是缘份的未完待续

xiang yu shi zhong qi ji shi yuan fen de wei wan dai xu

所以我才能遇见你所以挥别过去鼓起勇气

suo yi wo cai neng yu jian ni suo yi hui bie guo qu gu qi yong qi

说一声再见单身不需要再心疼

shuo yi shen zai jian dan shen bu xu yao zai xin teng

两人剩一人因为成全因为爱得比谁真

liang ren sheng yi ren yin wei chen quan yin wei ai de bi shei zhen

再一声再见单身就往幸福投奔

zai yi sheng zai jian dan shen jiu wang xing fu tou ben

我会诚恳爱你一生爱你是我得责任永恒

wi hui chen ken ai ni yi sheng ai ni shi wo de zhe ren yong hen

分离总想逃避总要伤透了心

fen li zhong xiang tao bi zhong yao shang tou le xin

沉溺怀疑沉溺哭泣总让人推翻自己

chen ni huai yi chen ni ku qi zhong rang ren tui fan zi ji

相遇是种奇迹缘份未完待续是我们对爱得鼓励

xiang yu shi zhong qi ji yuan fen wei wan dai xu shi wo men dui ai de gu li

所以我才能遇见你拥抱过去才能鼓起勇气

suo yi wo cai neng yu jian ni yong bao guo qu cai neng gu qi yong qi

说一声再见单身不需要再心疼

shuo yi sheng zai jian dan shen bu xu yao zai xin teng

两人剩一人因为成全因为爱得比谁真

liang ren sheng yi ren yin wei chen quan yin wei ai de bi shei zhen

再一声再见单身就往幸福投奔

zai yi sheng zai jian dan shen jiu wang xing fu tou ben

我会诚恳爱你一生爱你是我得责任永恒

wo hui cheng ken ai ni yi sheng ai ni shi wo de zhe ren yong hen

我曾努力的追我曾痛苦流泪

wo ceng nu li de zui wo ceng tong ku liu lei

都是生命给爱的机会才发现

dou shi sheng ming gei ai de ji hui cai fa xian

别后悔别说后悔每一个

bie hou hui bie shuo hou hui mei yi ge

我爱过的人教会我勇往直前终于要再见单身

wo ai guo de ren jiao hui wo yong wang zhi qian zhong yu yao zai jian dan shen

你陪我倾听我相信我依赖着我

ni pei wo qing ting wo xiang xin wo yi lai zhe wo

说一声再见单身不需要再心疼

shuo yi sheng zai jian dan shen bu xu yao zai xin teng

两人剩一人因为成全因为爱得比谁真

liang ren sheng yi ren yin wei chen quan yin wei ai de bi shei zhen

再一声再见单身就往幸福投奔

zai yi sheng zai jian dan shen jiu wang xing fu tou ben

我会诚恳爱你一生爱你是我得责任永恒

wo hui cheng ken ai ni yi sheng ai ni shi wo de zhe ren yong hen

l. o. v. e. l. o. v. e

Silence

2010-11-17T23:17:00.006-08:00

Life is hectic, what i've always dream of, what i'd always hoped for never go as i planned..it's totally upside down..After graduating, i seemed to changed into another person..i changed to be somehow very emotional, i begin to think alot..It's all because, im scared..im scared because i'm not ready, im not readily prepared to go on and move into another level of my life as this career is not what i really wanted..i'm afraid i can't do ot..but i havce to do it as i dont wish to disappoint my mum and also my dad..he worked too hard and spent what he'd earned on me alot and my sister..Everytime, when i think about it, my heart hurts a lot, he's aging, he's had poor eyesight..but he still had to work very hard to pay off his debts and gave us allowance..Every of my friends thought that my background is perfect, my family is rich just because i stayed in brunei..but its not..if im really rich, why i wanted to earn my own pocket money not the allowance my parents sent me? It's all because i want to help my dad to save more..I really want to earn more money and help to pay off all my dad's debts he'd owed just to raise this family..so that he could retire and go back to malaysia..i want them to rest..but i dont know what and how to continue my path to success..I'm afraid, very scared to step one more step...i'm shivering inside..i need someone to pull my hands out and accompany me..I'm a loner, for so many years, i stay alone, i dislike crowd, i loved to move around, but there's times that i need someone whether a girlfriend or a guy friend beside me, strengthen me..i never thought much..but after all now, i stood still, i don't know what to do..im lost..i barely could see my road ahead me..its blur and hazy..Honestly, i don't really have friends, not no friends, i do have, but not the friends who cheer me up..i'm not open enough..maybe i still perfer to stay alone..where's the light of my life? why am i here? why, why and why?i'm creative? a food designer? how can i do that.,.confidence is not that demanded? But without confidence how can i do it?when i was young back then i really hoped to get through everything faster, but came to it, i regretted....life isn't that simple..there's lots of challenges, there's a lot of competitves, there's lots of rounds, is not as what we'd thought when we're a little..life isn't a game but a reality performance. We can't re-play our life, we can't pause, we can't stop..although how hard it is to go, we had to still hold our breathe and go through every level we're going..life goes on no matter what..if we don't, in game, we lost, in reality its the-end....

Grenade

2010-11-06T08:47:00.000-07:00

Easy come, easy go,
That's just how you live, oh,
Take, take, take it all,
But you never give.
Should've known you was trouble
From the first kiss,
Had your eyes wide open.
Why were they open?
Gave you all I had and you tossed it in the trash,
You tossed it in the trash, you did.
To give me all your love is all I ever asked, 'cause
What you don't understand is
I'd catch a grenade for ya (yeah, yeah)
Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah)
I'd jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah)
You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah)
Oh, oh, I would go through all of this pain,
Take a bullet straight through my brain!
Yes, I would die for ya, baby,
But you won't do the same.

No, no no
Black, black, black and blue, beat me 'til I'm numb,
Tell the devil I said "hey" when you get back to where you're from.
Mad woman, bad woman, that's just what you are,
Yeah, you'll smile in my face then rip the brakes out my car
Gave you all I had and you tossed it in the trash,
You tossed it in the trash, yes you did

To give me all your love is all I ever asked, 'cause
What you don't understand is
I'd catch a grenade for ya (yeah, yeah)
Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah)
I'd jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah)
You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah)
Oh, oh, I would go through all of this pain,
Take a bullet straight through my brain!
Yes, I would die for ya, baby,
But you won't do the same.

I'd catch a grenade for ya (yeah, yeah)
Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah)
I'd jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah)
You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah)
Oh, oh, I would go through all of this pain,
Take a bullet straight through my brain!
Yes, I would die for ya, baby,
But you won't do the same.

Timeless

2010-11-06T08:42:00.000-07:00

Baby come close let me tell you this
In a whisper my heart says you know it too
Baby we both share a secret wish
And you're feeling my love reaching out to you

Timeless
Don't let it end (no)
Now that you're right here in my arms where you should stay
Hold tight baby
Timeless
Don't let it fade out of sight
Just let the moments sweep us both away
Lifting us to where
We both agree
This is timeless love

I see it all baby in your eyes
When you look at me I know I feel it too (yes I do)
So let's sail away and be forever baby
Where the crystal ocean melts into the sky
We shouldn't let the moment pass
Making me shiver let's make it last
Why should we lose it don't ever let me go

Timeless
Baby its timeless
Oh baby its timeless

Timeless
Don't let it fade out of sight
Just let the moments sweep us both away
Lifting us to where
We both agree
It's just timeless
It's just timeless

Love

Just once

2010-10-17T10:39:00.000-07:00

I did my best but I guess my best wasn't good enough cause here we are back where we were before
Seems nothing ever changes we're back to being strangers,wondering if we oughta stay or head on out the door..
Just once,can't we figure out what we keep doing wrong?Why we never last for very long?What are we doing wrong?Just once can't we find a way to finally make it right?Make the magic last for more than just one night
If we could just get to it.I know we could break through it

I gave my all but I think my all may have been too much cause Lord knows we're not getting anywhere
Seems we're always blowing whatever we've got going And seems at times with all we've got we haven't got a prayer..

Just once,can't we figure out what we keep doing wrong?Why we never last for very long?What are we doing wrong?Just once can't we find a way to finally make it right?Make the magic last for more than just one night
If we could just get to it.I know we could break through it

Just once ,I want to understand why it always comes back to goodbye..Why can't we give ourselves a hand?
And admit to one another..we're no good without the other, take the best and make it better find a way to stay together.Just once can't we find a way to finally make it right?? make the magic last for more than just one night.I know we can break through it .If we could just get to it.just once...

we could get to it ..just once..

One last cry

2010-10-11T22:08:00.002-07:00

My shattered dreams and broken heart
Are mending on the shelf
I saw you holding hands, standing close to someone else
Now I sit all alone wishing all my feeling was gone
I gave my best to you, nothing for me to do
But have one last cry

Chorus:
One last cry, before I leave it all behind
I’ve gotta put you outta my mind this time
Stop living a lie
I guess I’m down to my last cry

Cry......

I was here, you were there
Guess we never could agree
While the sun shines on you
I need some love to rain on me
Still I sit all alone, wishing all my feeling was gone
Gotta get over you, nothing for me to do
But have one last cry

Chorus:
One last cry, before I leave it all behind
I’ve gotta put you outta my mind this time
Stop living a lie
I know I gotta be strong
Cause round me life goes on and on and on
And on.....

I’m gonna dry my eyes
Right after I had my
One last cry

Chorus:
One last cry, before I leave it all behind
I’ve gotta put you outta my mind for the very last time
Been living a lie
I guess I’m down
I guess I’m down
I guess I’m down...
To my last cry...

Finally..

2010-10-06T00:38:00.000-07:00

Time really flashed tremendously quick and now here i am..from a student to a fresh graduate..it should be actually a happy thing to me, however, it's not like what i've thought though..all the way, i thought.. not only my family will attend my graduation but also my loved one..nevertheless, i broke up and couldnt find one that really satisfied me. it's sad..really sad i thought he could pride me up but it's not as i thought..he's cold..he's woody...he's just not the cup of tea i always wanted...should i really give up and go on..forget every each of them including sean? i admit that im not pretty..i admit im petty, i admit im a girl who dosent have a stable feeling with certain guys i'd met with..but what can i do..nothing..i wanted to stop these feelings but i just cant..cause i dont have the chance to actually prove it..what i really hoped is..find a secure job to feed myself and my family..my necessities could be spent using my own income..have trustable frenz..meet up a guy who loves me, care me..( at least taller an inch than me is fine..i know i should stop my high expectation till now if not i really can be left widowed..=( sigh..)just that simple...and another thing that upset me is..my dreams will never happened and exist..i think i shall put my dreams down and start another new journey infront of me..although its hard for me to do so, i still have to do it..its time for me to step out of this box..i encountered different things, i saw lots of different things..and its time for me to really grow up and face the reality...this society is full of competitors and challenges..i hoped there will be someone to accompany me to go on every level till the end.........

where's my mr. right....?

Money can't buy me love

2010-10-01T05:25:00.000-07:00

showed you all the finer things
I took you out that Hooptie, went from Guess to Gucci
you even got a diamond ring (I gave you everything)

But You still left me in cold
and I couldn’t figure out the reason why
House with the white fence, clothes with the right print
What else could I possibly do?
(Girl, I gotta know)

How could you leave everything behind
after all I’ve given to you
(How could you just be through?)
I didn’t get it, lots of female would be with it,
But I noticed that you’re different
Money can’t buy you love

I don’t know what I was thinking of
(girl, I don’t know what I was thinking)
How did I think I could buy your love
Now I know money can’t buy me love
Now I’m wishing you’d come back to me
I couldn’t believe how you left it all

Money can’t buy me
Money can’t buy me
Money can’t buy me love

Girl I don’t really know why
I thought I could show you that
in the end the money could win
(But the money never could win)
But Now I understand I should’ve got to know you
without the help of Benjamin

Can I get u to (understand)
I’m not really that type of man
Definitely have a new plan.
Come back, again.
Just knew I had u for keeps I didn’t know u would leave
Girl I gotta know (Girl I gotta know)

How could you leave everything behind
after all I’ve given to you
(How could you just be through?)
I didn’t get it, lots of female would be with it,
But I noticed that you’re different

Money can’t buy you love

I don’t know what I was thinking of
(girl, I don’t know what I was thinking)
How did I think I could buy your love
Now I know money can’t buy me love
Now I’m wishing you’d come back to me
I couldn’t believe how you left it all...Money can’t buy me love
How did I allow myself to be so into you,
that I can’t let you go
Money can’t buy me love
I’m so used to being the player type,
this is serious that I should let you know.
Money can’t buy me love
You need to realize how much you mean,
cause I never let my feeling show,
Money can’t buy me love
No---- Money can’t buy me love

I don’t know what I was thinking of
(girl, I don’t know what I was thinking)
How did I think I could buy your love
Now I know money can’t buy me love
Now I’m wishing you’d come back to me
I couldn’t believe how you left it all

Dont wanna try

2010-10-01T05:23:00.000-07:00

i cant believe u had the nerve to say the things u said
they hurt so bad that they ended our relationship
i cant believe it ..4 years go down the drain
oh how i wish things would of happened so differently
i tryd to save it so many times but you still couldnt see
u kept insistin and resistin that u would not fall again
and now u tryin to tell me that ur sorry
and ur tryin to come back home
ur tellin me u really need me crying beggin both knees are on the floor
but baby i..dont wanna try dont wanna try dont wanna try no more
u keep insisting when u know our love is out the door
dont wanna try dont wanna try cuz all we do is fight and say the things
i hurt u bad to when we both begin to cry
dont wanna try dont wanna try i bout just had enough its been a rough road
baby just let it go
dont wanna try dont wanna try dont wanna try no more
tell me whats the use of holdin on when all we do is hurt our love. u and i had many conversations on the telephone
talks about one day we having a place of our own
wake up in the morning and have breakfast ready on the table
but all of that just seems so far away from me
had to wake up face reality
it all just seem to good to be true after all you put me through
and now u tryin to tell me that ur sorry
and u tryin to come back home
u tellin me that u really need me crying beggin both knees are on the floor
but baby i..dont wanna try dont wanna try dont wanna try no more
u keep insisting when u know our love is out the door
dont wanna try dont wanna try cuz all we do is fight and say the things
i hurt u bad to when we both begin to cry
dont wanna try dont wanna try i bout just had enough its been a rough road
baby just let it go
dont wanna try dont wanna try dont wanna try no more
tell me whats the use of holdin on when all we do is hurt our love..

給我一首歌的時間

2010-07-13T05:42:00.002-07:00

Yu ting xia de tian kong hui de gen jia lao jiu
Ni shuo ni bu dong wei he zai zhe shi qian shou
Wo shai gan le cheng nuo, hui de gen jia meng dong
Jiu suan zuo shi zuo cuo ye zhi shi pa cuo guo
Zai yi qi zou, fen kai le zou
Shi bu shi shuo mei you zuo wan de meng zui tong

Ni ruo tui hou , wo neng cheng shou
Zai zui hou de chu kou, zai ai guo na er cai you
Neng bu neng gei wo yi shou ge de shi jian
Jing jing de ba na yong bao bian cheng yong yuan
Zai wo de huai li bu yong tai duo shi mian
Ru guo ni xiang wang ji wo ye neng she ying
Neng bu neng gei wo yi shou ge de shi jian
Ba gu shi ting dao zui hou cai shuo zai jian
Ni sung wo de yan lei, rang ta liu zai yu tian
Ru guo ni huai yi yi xin de yi ran yong qi dang zuo bi yi

Bei lin shi de tian kong, hui de gen jia lao jiu
Ni shuo ni bu dong wo wei he zai zhe shi qian shou
Wo shai gan le cheng nuo, hui de hen chong dong
Jiu suan zuo shi zuo cuo ye zhi shi pa cuo guo
Zai yi qi zou, fen kai le zou
Shi bu shi shuo mei you zuo wan de meng zui tong
Ni ruo tui hou, wo neng cheng shou
Zai zui hou de chu kou, zai ai guo na er cai you
Neng bu neng gei wo yi shou ge de shi jian
Jing jing de ba na yong bao bian cheng yong yuan
Hong lou meng zhong
Zai wo de huai li bu yong tai duo shi mian
Ru guo ni xiang wang ji wo ye neng she ying
Neng bu neng gei wo yi shou ge de shi jian
Ba ge ci ting dao zui hou cai shuo zai jian
Ni sung wo de yan lei, rang ta liu zai yu tian
Ru guo ni huai yi yi xin de yi ran yong qi dang zuo bi yi
Ni shuo wo bu gai bu gai bu gai zai zhe shi hou shuo le wo ai ni
Yao zen me zheng ming wo mei you shuo huang de li qi, qing gao shu wo
Er zan ting suan bu suan fang qi
Wo zhi you na yi tian de hui yi
Neng bu neng gei wo yi shou ge de shi jian
Jing jing de ba na yong bao bian cheng yong yuan
Zai wo de huai li bu yong tai duo shi mian
Ru guo ni xiang wang ji wo ye neng she ying
Neng bu neng gei wo yi shou ge de shi jian
Wo. ba ge ci ting dao zui hou zai shuo zai jian
Ni sung wo de yan lei rang ta liu zai yu tian
Wo. ru guo ni huai yi yi xin de yi ran yong qi dang zuo bi yi
Rap bu fen, ni shuo guo wo bu gai
Zai zhe shi shuo ai ni, yao zen me zheng ming wo mei you li qi
Ke shi zan ting que suan bu suan fang qi
Wo shuo wo bu gai bu gai, bu gai zai zhe shi cai shuo ai ni
Yao zen me zheng ming wo mei you li qi
Wo zhi you yi tian hui yi

給我一首歌的時間

2010-07-13T05:35:00.000-07:00

给我一首歌的时间
Gei Wo Yi Shou Ge De Shi Jian
Give Me Time to Sing This Song

Lyrics/Music: Jay Chou

*雨淋湿了天空
Yu lin shi le tian kong
Rain has fallen from the sky
毁得很讲究
Hui de hen jiang jiu
Destructively poetic.
你说你不懂为
N i shuo ni bu dong
You say you don�t understand
何在这时牵手
Wei he zai zhe shi qian shou
Why we hold hands now.
我晒干了沉默
Wo shai gan le chen mo
I�ve dried myself off in silence,
悔得很冲动
Hui de hen chong dong
Regretfully rinsed off.
就算做事做错
Jiu suan zuo shi zuo cuo
Considering that I�ve done wrong,
也只是怕错过
Ye zhi shi pa cuo guo
I�m also simply afraid to make mistakes again.
在一起叫梦
Zai yi qi jiao meng
Being together is called a dream.
分开了叫痛
Fen kai le jiao tong
Having broken up is called pain.
是不是说
Shi bu shi shuo
Is it that
没有做完的梦最痛
Mei you zuo wan de meng zui tong
Having not completed out dream is the worst part?
迷路的后果
Mi lu de hou guo
The aftermath of losing my way
我能承受
Wo neng cheng shou
Is something I can bear.
这最后的出口在爱过哪儿才有
Zhe zui hou de chu kou zai ai guo nar cai you
I only have the final exit from having loved left.

能不能给我一首歌的时间
Neng bu neng gei wo yi shou ge de shi jian
Can you give me the time to sing this song?
紧紧的把那拥抱变成永远
Jin jin de ba na yong bao bian cheng yong yuan
The tight embrace I give you becomes forever
在我的怀里
Zai wo de huai li
In my heart.
你不用害怕失眠
Ni bu bu yong hai pa shi mian
You aren�t afraid of losing sleep.
如果你想忘记我也能失忆
Ru guo ni xiang wang ji wo ye neng shi yi
If you want to forget, I can also lose the memories.

能不能给我一首歌的时间
Neng bu neng gei wo yi shou ge de shi jian
Can you give me time to sing this song?
把故事听到最后才说再见
Ba gu shi ting dao zui hou cai shuo zai jian
Only after hearing the end of the story say �goodbye.�
你送我的眼泪
Ni song wo de yan lei
The tears you sent to me,
让它留在雨天
Rang ta liu zai yu tian
I'll save them for a rainy day.
哦
O
Oh~
越过你划的线我定了勇气
Yue guo ni hua de xian wo ding le yong qi
Overcoming your cutting me off I�ve determined to have a brave
的终点
De zhong dian
Ending.

*Repeat

你说我不该不该
Ni shuo wo bu gai bu gai
You say I shouldn�t I shouldn�t
不该在这时候说了我爱你
Bu gai zai zhe shi hou shuo le wo ai ni
Shouldn�t have told you I love you just now.
要怎麽证明我没有说谎的力气
Yao zen me zheng ming wo mei you xhuo huang de li qi
How must I prove that I don�t have the strength to lie to you?
哦请告诉我
O qing gao su wo
Oh, please tell me!
暂停算不算放弃
Zan ting suan bu suan fang qi
Hesitating, will I decide to let go?
我只有那一天的回忆
Wo zhi you na yi tian de hui yi
I only have that one day�s memories.

能不能给我一首歌的时间
Neng bu neng gei wo yi shou ge de shi jian
Can you give me the time to sing this song?
紧紧的把那拥抱变成永远
Jin jin de ba na yong bao bian cheng yong yuan
The tight embrace I give you becomes forever
在我的怀里你不用太多失眠
Zai wo de huai li ni bu yong tai duo shi mian
In my heart. You won�t lose too much sleep.
哦
O
Oh~
如果你想忘记我也能失忆
Ru guo ni xiang wang ji wo ye neng shi yi
If you want to forget, I can also lose the memories.

能不能给我一首歌的时间
Neng bu neng gei wo yi shou ge de shi jian
Can you give me time to sing this song?
把故事听到最后才说再见
Ba gu shi ting dao zui hou cai shuo zai jian
Only after hearing the end of the story say �goodbye.�
你送我的眼泪
Ni song wo de yan lei
You carry my tears,
让它留在雨天
Rang ta liu zai yu tian
Save them for a rainy day.
哦
O
Oh~
越过你划的线我定了勇气
Yue guo ni hua de xian wo ding le yong qi
Overcoming your cutting me off I�ve determined to have a brave
的终点
De zhong dian
Ending.

你说我不该不该
Ni shuo wo bu gai bu gai
You say I shouldn�t I shouldn�t
不该在这时候说了我爱你
Bu gai zai zhe shi hou shuo le wo ai ni
Shouldn�t have told you I love you just now.
要怎麽证明我没有力气
Yao zen me zheng ming wo mei you li qi
How must I prove I don�t have the strength?
告诉我暂停算不算放弃
Gao su wo zan ting suan bu suan fang qi
Tell me. Hesitating, will I decide to give up?
你说我不该不该
Ni shuo wo bu gai bu gai
You say I shouldn�t, shouldn�t,
不该在这时才说爱你
Bu gai zai zhe shi cai shuo ai ni
Shouldn�t at this time just say I love you.
要怎麽证明我没有力气
Yao zen me zheng ming wo mei you li qi
How must I prove that I don�t have the strength?
我只有一天的回忆
Wo zhi you yi tian de hui yi
I only have one day�s memories.

너에게 쓰는 편지

2010-06-20T01:53:00.001-07:00

큐피트의 화살이 OH~ 내 심장에 꽃혀 단숨에 내 가슴에 불화산을 지펴 잃어버린 첫사랑에 설레임을 떠올려 좋은 놈이라고 속여 날 크게 부풀려 그녀는 내 입담에 넘어간 듯 웃어 궁금한게 너무 많아 이 시간이 짧어 난 느꼈어 우린 뗄 수 없는 실과 바늘 내 마음에 반은 벌써 니가 있어 사랑은 알게 모르게 모든 것들을 바꾸어 가고 늘 항상 숨어왔던 외로움은 도망가고 아픔이 있어서 기쁨도 컸나봐 아니면 내게 너란 존재가 원래 컸나봐 눈물 나게 서글펐던 세상살이 나 힘이 되어줄게 너의 두 손발이 맘껏 울고 싶으면 울어 너의 바람막이 뗄 수 없는 운명 우린 영원한 meant to be..
OH BABY YOU GOTTA KNOW NOTHING IN THIS WORLD COMPARES.THE LOVIN’ YOU GIVE IS SO TRUE
I GUESS ALL THE STARS ON MY SIDE SO MANY NIGHTS HAVE I PRAYED YOU’D BE MINE AND WHEN YOU KISS, YOU LIGHT MY WAY SHOWING ME HOW..IT’S SO BEAUTIFUL TO BELIEVE IN LOVE, IN YOU AND ME..,고마워 YOU’RE THE JOY OF MY LIFE, MY REASON TO SMILE..
오늘은 왠지 그녀 기분이 또 나쁜가봐 말도 못하고 그리고 내 얼굴도 못 쳐다봐 내가 늦었어도 화도 못내 그녀는 제대로 표현도 못해 다리만 떠는 그녀는 거짓말 할 때는 또 손톱을 물어뜯어 그대는 언제나 서툴러 금방 탄로나 그대는 너무 착해 내가 너무 미안해 당신이 있어서 내가 있다는 이유로.. 사랑해you wanna get in my world 고마워 I wanna get in your world 사랑해 널 만난 후 내 모든 것이 달라..You came in and changed my life you wanna get in my world 고마워 I wanna get in your world 사랑해 너를 알게 된 걸 난 신께 감사해 너와 나 이 세상 끝까지 우리 함께해
I CATCH MYSELF THINKING WHY YOU ARE HERE, BY MY SIDE..NOT KNOWING WHAT YOU SEE IN ME I GUESS LOVE CAN CLEAR OUT THE CLOUDS CARRY YOU IN THE WIND TO MY HEART CUZ WHEN YOU TOUCH, YOU TAKE AWAY ALL OF MY FEARS AND THE HAPPINESS YOU GIVE TO ME, THE SAME I’LL DO FOR YOU 사랑해 SINCERELY FROM MY HEART, MY REASON TO SMILE..
You’re the joy of my life.. Of my life..You’re the joy of my life.. My life
Forever and ever, my babe,promise me we’ll never be apart cuz I can’t go on.. OH….
사랑해 너의 미소 고마워 믿어줘서 행복해 니가 있어 더 이상 이 사랑을 표현할 순 없어..
Cuz when you touch, you light my way
Showing me how is so beautiful to believe,
in love, in you, and me
고마워 you're the joy of my life, My reason to smile

我不懂你...

2010-06-20T01:22:00.003-07:00

事到如今我學識接受是你要自我與自由這是你所有是我已獲得足夠滿足你的要求就求你別提及分手就我所知終有日看懂情人方內疚但是愛不全是佔有誰會敷我的傷口
從來不懂你嗎為何尚要牽掛但我不敢問話未夠膽調查你似未歸家能留低一吻嗎尤其是這十數月不知你在哪還未曾化講大話還是真的無瑕讓我知可以嗎...是我已獲得足夠滿足你的要求就求你別提及分手就我所知終有日看懂情人方內疚但是愛不全是佔有誰會敷我的傷口
從來不懂你嗎為何尚要牽掛但我不敢問話未夠膽調查你似未歸家能留低一吻嗎尤其是這十數月不知你在哪還未曾化講大話如果真的無瑕沒法解釋嗎why am i still care and depressed on you? acually, i still had lots to tell you..but i don't know why, i just can't speak up..從頭學習愛人如何去守我本份讓你知再會愛下去這次是我可劫後重生從前不懂你嗎為何我覺可怕但我不敢問話未夠膽調查我會否很差能和好相處嗎用自信心相信你便不會再害怕還未明嗎好情人無非取得平衡是我這方法嗎

Anoymous Friend..

2010-06-20T01:06:00.001-07:00

Loneliness sends a dark wind that doesn't leave.Remembering the excitement of love,the sky is red,the warmth is strong.An image of you appears in my heart..we live together in this city's maze.Mentioning your name, my heart still jumps and yet, we don't meet again..There, only remain the touch and yet we don't dare to touch emotionally.Maybe we really were too young.From our Clueless,We wonder in our separate skies,We let each other choose what to say but this longing still turns..
A hand that I can't hold..
From now on, an anonymous friend but my attachment is still persistent and you have nothing to do with the tears I swallow. A hand that I can't hold but is closer than family.There should be every "what if" but there are no "what if"s..Only the warmth that was lost,the dear affection....When another beautiful dream falls empty remembering the excitement of love,the sky is red, the warmth is strong.An image of you appears in my heart.Maybe we really were too young.From our Clueless,we wonder in our separate skies,we let each other decide what it is and not just a sign of respect..
A hand that I can't hold..from now on, an anonymous friend but my attachment is still persistent and you have nothing to do with the tears I swallow,a hand that I can't hold but is closer than family,there should be every "what if"
But there are no "what if"s..only the possession of a loss,the most permanent type of loss..

To Him that i loved..

2010-06-19T08:28:00.001-07:00

You know that feeling.....

2010-06-19T08:00:00.004-07:00

When you looked at him and think..wow, i loved him but we're just friends or maybe when he looks at her it hurts so much sometimes. When you're in love with him and he's in love with her, you loved everything about him and he loves everything about her. You wasted all your 11:11 wishes on him..you kept it in for so long..no one knows how confused you, do you tell him ? or do you kept it in as usual? (ITS CONFUSING!!!!) Or it's complicated is your answer when someone asked you what's wrong. When you looked at them together, your eyes filled up with tears...because you loved him..you loved him so much and sometimes you just wished he knew....

三个字

2010-06-14T06:12:00.001-07:00

你日日笑得这么灿烂我怎捨得你喊
做小丑我都愿意爲了搏红顔一笑
从来没有这么想一件
事原来有这么一件事
才值得我们留恋今天为你死都可以
从前有那三个字天天讲你
知虽然没新意但有意思
我储埋储埋这么多诗句
我只想你可以跟我一起笑
从前那三个字人人都钟意
好不可思议但是又有几个人真正明白
那意思我只知道我只想你快乐
趁住人多多讲讲心里
话咁先至值回票价
从此得你知我任何事都不会怕
从来没有这么想一件事
原来有这么一件事才值得我们留恋
今天真的为你死都可以
从前有那三个字天天讲你
知虽然没新意但有意思
我储埋储埋这么多诗句
我只想你可以跟我一起笑
从前那三个字人人都钟意
好不可思议但是又有几个人真正明白
那意思我只知道我只想你快乐
就算今天不再闯过昨
日我怎么讲都无谓
就算今天不再闯过昨日我愿意等下去
再等下去再等下去
从前有那三个字天天讲你
知虽然没新意但有意思

Love Song

2010-06-14T05:07:00.004-07:00

And again, prowling around your place, it's furious, intolerable, i cannot take this anymore. However, there's nothing i can do, i ran out of time to turn you back, it's all over, nothing could be done anymore.
You pushed me away with your very hands, once were so wonted by me, what can i do, what should i do..i no longer have your breath here with me, but i'm still loving you..what can i do, what should i do..oh please..come back
You float in my mind, keep floating in my mind, i cannot hold your hands like i used to do..i'm so into you, can't stop reminiscing, this is the song that could grab a hold of you..
You pushed me away with your very hands, once were so wonted by me, what can i do, what should i do..i no longer have your breath here with me, but i'm still loving you..what can i do, what should i do..
With the way you used to look into my eyes, please turn back to me and just feel my heart..and could you please tell me that you still love me...
You pushed me away with your very hands, once were so wonted by me, what can i do, what should i do..i no longer have your breath here with me, but i'm still loving you..what can i do, what should i do..oh please..i love you

Fair day

2010-06-14T03:19:00.002-07:00

It's quite a long time i didn't update my blog eversince after the x'mas performance..amyway, im fine..doing good, going through my industrial training in marriott now as a trainee..not bad, just tiring..today i went to get an mc from the doctor in the clinic cause i wasn't feeling so well..food poisoning..definately bcz of the hot shoppe foods!! besides that, my heart aches a lot..i seemed not to understand what i'm really thinking..i'm kinna lost my soul..just lke my soul suddenly went out from my body leaving my body swaying around by itself without even myself knowing..i just know i want a serious relationship..found the target but they said he's not a good one and more..but i know human changes..i trust him as well as them..if i trust my friends that he not a nice guy, he's a play boy..it's unfair to him..like me, i have random personalities..but i'm trying to change..so i did..why can't i give him a chance..i thanked my friends who gave me the advices, i do appreciate it..now, nothing else to think..i'm trying my best to achieve what i want..i'm not sure how long..if really can't work out then i'll move on..

Wedding Dress

2010-06-14T02:35:00.003-07:00

Never shouldn't let you go, never find myself at home, ever since that day that you walked right out the door, you were like my beating heart that i..i can't control, even though we've grown apart, my brain seem can't let you go. Thinking back to the old times when you kept me up late at night, we used to mess around laugh and play, fight and fuss,i guess it's too late, im dancing this dance alone, this chapter's done the story goes on..
Baby, can't believe that you are not with me, cause you should be my lady, all i want is to set your heart free,but if you believe that you belong with him, promise me you won't let anyone hurt you, remember, i will always be here for you. even if it kills me to see you...in that wedding dress, see you in that wedding dress, see you in that wedding dress, oh see you in that wedding dress..oh no..
Snappin out this misery, depression this ain't me, but i always turn around 180 degress, you got control of me and i, i can't explain. Somebody call 911 emergency before i go insane. Since you've moved on, you took a piece of me and gave it back, so much pain in my chest, blacking out, heart attack.i guess it's too late im dancing this dance alone..it's too late..
Baby, can't believe that you are not with me, cause you should be my lady, all i want is to set your heart free,but if you believe that you belong with him, promise me you won't let anyone hurt you, remember, i will always be here for you. even if it kills me to see you...in that wedding dress, see you in that wedding dress, see you in that wedding dress, oh see you in that wedding dress..oh no..
And i see you with your man, and it's hard to understand, if we belong, if i did you wrong where we even began. We would always fuss and fight, and it seems nothing was right, but i loved you girl and you were my world but you'd never trust this guy. Cause the thing i do when i'm on the stage, they say i'm a superstar, you couldn't understand all the female fans and then we grew apart and i just don't get, when you're acting like some other person but i tried my best to hold on at the timeswhen it ain't working. And every time that you say it's over, it breaks my heart and i don't know why,cause you've done it a lot of times in the past but i get back up and try..you said we could work it out, how could you hurt me now and you moved on the next i'm left with an imperfect smile..
But if you believe that you belong with him, promise me you won't let anyone hurt you, remember, i will always be here for you. even if it kills me to see you...in that wedding dress, see you in that wedding dress, see you in that wedding dress, oh see you in that wedding dress..oh no..

Bad year

2010-03-12T19:54:00.002-08:00

It's been a bad year for me this year..seems like im not really enjoying 2010..alot of things distracting me..9/3/2010, my dearest granduncle because of a n accident leave me and his families..i couldnt cry as i was too schocked. All in a sudden i was informed to go to the hospital, to the corpse room to recognise his body..when i entered the room, i could hardly breathe..bcz i knew it was him..when i looked at his face..i knew he was in pain..his chest ribs were crushed and his heart was punchured..i still couldnt cry out..his image was all in my mind from that moment..the moment i wanna refresh myself..forcing myself to rest my mind..the first person who appeared to me is sean..honestly, i dunno what i wanna do when i realized he's still in my heart..i will not confess to him about my feelings anymore..i dun wanna get rejected anymore..it's hurt to be rejected when u finally knew that u loved him.. i was the one who announced break..so i dun have the rights asking him to be by my side anymore..i told jon, about my feelings..he asked me not to give up..how can i dont give up when he had already rejected my request twice? I was always the one giving advices and help them to feel better, make them smile..but who can heal me back? I'm really very upset now but no one knows..my heart was filled with regrets which suffocates me..what can i do to make myself feeling better?

Body Language

2009-12-29T06:48:00.000-08:00

Nappy Boy, Pretty Boy, Colaboration. that thing you got behind you is amazing
Ooo, that body's like music to my ear (yeah)
Ooo, that body's like music to my ear(yeah)
Ooo, that body's like music to my ear
'Cause what you want is right here

Oh she, oh she so international
The way, the way she get it on the floor
I'm tryin', I'm tryin' to holler at you
I want to get to know you better

Parlez vous francais?
Konichiwa
Come and move in my way
Hey, little chica from Guadeloupe
That thing you got behind you is amazing

Now, I don't speak Spanish, Japanese or French
But the way that body's talkin' definitely makes sense
It's her, her body, her body, her body language
It's her, her body, her body, her body language
The way she moves around
When she grinds to the beat
Breaking it down articulately
It's her, her body, her body, her body language
It's her, her body, her body, her body

That make me want to say hey...('ey!)
Hey...('ey!)
Hey...('ey!)
Cause girl you speaking my body, body, body language
C'mon

Shorty, let me whisper in your ear
Tell you everything you wanna hear
You got my vote: Hottest Girl of the Year
Let's have a celebration, baby

Parlez vous francais?
Konichiwa
Come and move in my way
Hey, little chica from Guadeloupe
That thing you got behind you is amazing

Now, I don't speak Spanish, Japanese or French
But the way that body's talkin' definitely makes sense
It's her, her body, her body, her body language
It's her, her body, her body, her body language
The way she moves around
When she grinds to the beat
Breaking it down articulately
It's her, her body, her body, her body language
It's her, her body, her body, her body

That make me want to say hey...('ey!)
Hey...('ey!)
Hey...('ey!)
Girl yo speaking my body, body, body,language
C'mon

[center]Nappy Boy Pretty Boy Colaboration.that thing you got behind you is amazing.....[/center]I'm lifting up my voice to say
You're the hottest girl in the world today
The way you shake
You got me losing my mind
cuz..cuz...cuz.You're banging like a speakerbox
Turn around; the party stops
Universal lady, let me take you away

Now, I don't speak Spanish, Japanese or French
But the way that body's talkin' definitely makes sense now
It's her, her body, her body, her body language
It's her, her body, her body, her body language
It's the way she moves around
When she grinds to the beat
Breaking it down articulately
It's her, her body, her body, her body language
It's her, her body, her body, her body

You make me want to say hey...('ey!)
Hey...('ey!)
Hey...('ey!)
It's her, her body, body, body language
C'mon

Ooo, that body's like music to my ear(yeah)
Ooo, that body's like music to my ear(yeah)
Ooo, that body's like music to my ear
'Cause what you want is right here

Fair Day

2009-12-21T03:43:00.002-08:00

Oh well..it has been a tiring day this month. Although it's tiring, i enjoyed every moment. I was busy preparing and practising the dance steps for the x'mas party last friday, 18/12/09. Two different dances, 2 different groups. I was so glad and proud after the party was over. And now, aftre it was over, i missed the days i spent with my fellow dancing members..i wished that the dancing moments will continue in me..coz i really loves dancing so much..however, am pretty disappointed as well because my break dance really sucks~ that's really sad..i hoped i can do better or well under some pro. trainings..sigh~~
And i don't understand why am i feeling so sleepy these days..*yawn* oh damn..i suddenly missed someone...my pico buddies, my bro, joel kest., wong siew leng!!! i wanna meet them all up..bt..sigh...i hoped siew leng is here to help me..i have lots of things to do after the xmas party...i have to make my aunt an anniversary cake..i have to go back to pahang this thursday late at night right after my pract. class, i have to clean my house in mentakab, i have to prepare the project assignment for the B.M as soon as possible..if not i'll be slaughtered by the lecturer as i'm the person in charge...can end my life d...sad~~~~~~~

Bad Girl

2009-12-14T04:36:00.003-08:00

Im heart sick, heal me, Be crazy, can't let you go. Sad love song,,my love's gone.Baby please dont go far. The place you left is filled with sadness. How could you leave without me?As time passes your face,keeps appearing in my mind, my head is spinning. Last night was my last kiss, i can't hold you my miss,let it all be a dream please, i've simply become a fool. I scream and scream although i really wanna hold you, hey hey hey girl, come back plz ma hate girl. The more i think about it, i dosen't make sense Bad Girl. The thought of you makes me crazy, bad girl. Eventhough i cried"Don't leave"..you didnt even look back..bad girl.G.O.N.E when you left, the clockstopped ticking. Pointlessly listening in my ears, like our story..( so sick)..At one point my lady..without you i cried daily, i still reserving your spot girl C.O.M.E. I hated you for one day, but i already missed you. Just thinking about you brings me to tears..As i get closer to you to hold you,you're only getting further and further away,it seems like its too late to get back, your voice is becoming more distant from me, i scream and scream although i really wanna hold you..hey hey hey girl, come back plz ma hate girl.All the words, u've ever said, in a moment they've all become lies.As i try to make your heart come back,you're graduallygetting furtheraway from me..The more i think about it, i dosen't make sense Bad Girl. The thought of you makes me crazy, bad girl. Eventhough i cried"Don't leave"..you didnt even look back..bad girl..down down we gotta get down..all alone i cried again..down down we gotta get down..i wanna come to me girl!

Fair day

2009-12-05T07:27:00.003-08:00

I'm not feeling so good today..mostly is because my predictions came out true..i knew this will happen..i knew one day there'll be something between the both of them. The major reason why i had this bad feeling in me these days is all because he lied..he told me that he's back to single dosen't mean he's available..and rejected my request..but in the other hand, he started with her..I'm just like an idiot..why's are all these things happening to me? First is edison, second is sean, third is david yan..why my relationship wif them can't last long? what do i need? i'm trying to appreceiate what i have from now on already bt why is it still happening? Is gemini life's like that? so miserable..fullof depressions..love, friends and even family..i'm so sick and tired of it..It's really very hard for me telling myself where and what am i facing now..what i only know is my heart is aching so badly..i wanted to fall with tears..bt i sweared to myself i wont be doing it again..it's tiring..and it's really too much..i really do love edison, bt what can i do..since we're apart, our relationship wouldn't be long..so what i can do is to let him go..bt after i did that, after knewing he found another partner, i congratulate him with an ached heart.., sean, i do love him as well, bt after hearing him telling me tha he wanted to move to taylor, i lose hope on him..although yes, he has a car, he can drive his car all the way to my place and meet me..but i noe this wont last long..before anything deeply hurt happen, i brokeup with him..once i wanted him to be right by myside again..he told me that yeah, he's single bt nt available..but then he started another relationship wif her.. David, a nice guy, sweet guy, but i judt dont understand him well, maybe bcz of this i broke up wif him..After all these, i began to lose interest on guys do u know that..because it mades me thinks that all guys are the same, just different appearance..it also makes me to reject people who loves me..this feeling arised from these problems..so i would like to apologize to those i've rejected..but please do understand me...maybe i just need time..a very long time to get rid of this..maybe 2 years, 5 years or maybe more..Looking at other couples i may sometimes feel envy..but it dosent ean im ready to open up myself..

Rainy Day

2009-11-28T23:16:00.002-08:00

It has been a busy month for me..am really tired and in pain, worried and feared, struggling to remember the dance steps right and into the beat..but it seemed to me tough as im out of the beat..and not smooth enough..im getting very worried..i'm worried that i can't do well..maybe jon was right..i can't do it if i din put in my effort Be Confident!..These really disturbed me alot till i dont have the appetite to eat my meals..i still felt kindda lack of something but am not sure what am i lacking in..watching different music videos, watching the steps hard, paying attention on the counting beats, grooves..hoped to get inspired with it..is really hard..im tired!!!! singing and dancing was my interest..i have to do it best...i'll feel disappointed if i can't..who can train me to get back the grooves???? oh my..

Rainy Day

2009-10-22T05:14:00.003-07:00

Hmm...i'm really so curious why my friends called my sister-in-law...asked them why?they didn't wanna tell me..just so weird..when did i become their sister-in-law? weird...sigh....C&G is coming not long after the exams over...tiring...all in a sudden i reaslly missed siew leng...maybe i should be like wan lu just fly over there and find her snap photos wit her..haha...but siew leng told me that she'll try to come over to k.l for transit..so that we could hang out togather..it's been quite a long time we didn't meet after our O'levels...even when she get back to brunei, i cant leave k.l to brunei...when i managed to go back, its her turn to stuck in adelaide..we could only fool each other on the facebook...was fun too...like this coming nov/dec..she's goin back..but i can't..how sad!although both of us were disappointed again..we'll never give up..that's us! Friends forever..

Rainy Day

2009-10-22T04:57:00.002-07:00

yesterday, jess spotted several of my friends cheated and caught them..she caught wei lim..i was standing next to her, and i was thinking why i can see jessi cheating with a piece of paper under her exam paper..why cant jess see it? so damn unfair..i was trying to tell jess about it..but why i didnt? then today ah yao told me that yesterday jess told him to ask me to tell her who else cheated..send her the name..the first thing in my mind was jessi..i really wanna push her out because i really hated her..but i just can't..because we once are closed friends..and don't because of what had happenend between the both of us i hate her and push her out..thats not a right way to do..i can't be so evil..Hatred won't bring me to anywhere..same goes to sharon and louis..yes i once admired him..but once i knew he is not interested in me..i'm really hurt, but after all..everything was back to normal..after i knew sharon and win went along, i felt a bit heartache..but thats not because i'm stil into him..im not...its just a feeling..i dont know why as well...but what can i do..i can only say congrats to them..i wont hate them...what has over is over..no turning back..goes to how jessi, jonathan and i were now...i ahould be mature enough to think this way..and jonathan..he's really a nice guy..just that he has a really bad attitute...he's just so in love with jessi only he said those frank words to me..so i should learn to forgive and forget..but however, these will never change my mind..i'm still willing to give up my friendship after i'm settled with everything in K.L..i'm planning to leave to elsewhere and find new friends again..bt the first place i would like to go is ADELAIDE!!! siew lenf wait for me..before that, i can't wait for siew leng to come over here and visit me..i'm still waiting for her to get confirm..haha..i really love her so much..more as a sister!!!!!

Unforgettable moments

2009-10-22T04:36:00.002-07:00

Hey there, my blog has been left aside for so long..was quite buzy with lots of stuff recently..anyway, lots of things happened..mostly, unhappy ones..Firstly..jessi and i are no longer friends anymore..for some reason..not my fault anyway..our friendship had lasts since the day they treated me that way..i never knew because i didnt put in much effort into the gingerbread assignment could cause them to be so misunderstanding and jessi, i thought she understands me but unfortunately...not..she's not understanding than siew leng was.. she just know how to pretend to be innocent..she didn't even explian for me to sinnee and jonathan why i can't stay and helped them finished the last part of the work..she didnt at all..at one side, she told me she didn't..but at the other side sinnee didn't even knw the reason...and bcz of such misunderstandings, jonathan came up to my facebook and messed up..saying im bull-shitting her..hey, c'mon, like when did i? whn on hell did i..what i said is all fact! Saying that, im like a child, i'm immature, brunei ppl can't think well..hey c'mon see who's the one who's immature?? And we got better a bit during the leadership assignment...but later..jonathan, without knowing anything...he said i wanna start the war again bcz he saw my wall posts...what i 'd wrote there was for them..y must he be so sensitive to it? ita my privacy to post what i like..he has no rights to stop me to do that! Don't he think he's being so rascal recently? he thought he's cool but he's totally not! I hated people like this..always think that they're right, always like to misunderstands..never read and understand on what have been explained..jessi, being so fake to me..at one point telling me that she dosen't wanna end our friendship but at another point she said im bull shitting her...darn her! if i could be rash..i'll call her a bitch..but i don't wanna call her that..louis..being like a real dog...deserve how his other buddies treated him..loves to play and fool around..got my feeling lied..i'm sick of him..yea...sharon, my buddy was attrated to him..so what can i say? congrats lo...but not that proud to knw abt that..i'm willing to let my friendship with jessi, i am willing to let go the whole gang as well..i still can live without them..if u lemme choose either one..jessi or siew lemng..i'll let jessi off..i'll hold on to siew leng..i still remember what had happened to me and siew leng..i had a very huge misunderstanding on her..she got so upset..it was my fault...because i thought negative abt her...bt later bcz both of us were nt willing to let go our friendship..we're still who we are now..although we're apart, we still love each other..although we do argue, bt we never fall to what jessi and i was..so im really so disappointred with everything in K.L...esp. all my friends except for some...

Obsessed

2009-08-08T00:36:00.001-07:00

Will the real MC please step to the mic?
MC- You need an MC, place to be
MC the MC
All up in the blogs
Say we met at the bar
When I don't even know who you are
Say we up in your house
Sayin' I'm up in your car
But you in LA but I'm out at Jermaine's
I'm up in the A- you're so so lame
and no on here even mentions your name
It must be the weed, it must be the E
cuz you be poppin, hood, you get it poppin'
Ooh boy why you so obsessed with me?
Boy I want to know- lyin' that you're sexin me
when everybody knows it's clear that you're upset with me
Ohh finally found a girl that you couldn't impress
Last man on the earth- still couldn't get this
You're delusional, you're delusional
Boy you're losing your mind
It's confusin yo, you're confused you know
Why you wasting your time?
Got you all fired up with your Napoleon complex
See right through you like you're bathin' in windex
Ooh Ohh Ohh boy why you so obsessed with me?
And all the ladies sing, all the girls sing
Soo Oohhhh Soo Oohh Obsessed
You on your job, you hittin' hard
Ain't gon feed you, gon' let you starve
Graspin' for air I'm ventilation
You out of breath, hope you ain't waitin
Tellin' the world how much you miss me
But we never were so why you trippin'
You a mom and pop, I'm a corporation
I'm the press conference, you a conversation
Ooh boy why you so obsessed with me?
Boy I want to know- lyin' that you're sexin me
when everybody knows it's clear that you're upset with me
Ohh finally found a girl that you couldn't impress
Last man on the earth- still couldn't get this
You're delusional, you're delusional
Boy you're losing your mind
It's confusin yo, you're confused you know
Why you wasting your time?
Got you all fired up with your Napoleon complex
See right through you like you're bathin' in windex
Ooh Ohh Ohh boy why you so obsessed with me?
And all the ladies sing, all the girls sing
Soo Oohhhh Soo Oohh Obsessed

Yesterday

2009-08-08T00:29:00.001-07:00

i just cant believe your gone
still waitin for mornin to come
when i see if the sun will rise, in the way that your by my side
well we got so much in store
tell me what is it im reaching for
when were through building memories ill hold yesterday in my heart
in my heart

they can take tomorrow and the plans we made
they can take the music that we never play
all the broken dreams take everything
just take it away, but they can never have yesterday
they can take the future that we'll never know
they can take the places that we said we will go
all the broken dreams take everything
just take it away, but they can never have yesterday

you always choose to stay
i should be thankful for everyday
heaven knows what the future holds, or least where the story goes
i never believed untill now
i know il see you again im sure
no its not selfish to ask for more
one more night one more day one more smile on your face
but they cant take yesterday

they can take tomorrow and the plans we made
they can take the music that we never play
all the broken dreams take everything
just take it away, but they can never have yesterday
they can take the future that we'll never know
they can take the places that we said we will go
all the broken dreams take everything
just take it away, but they can never have yesterday

i thought our days would last forever
but it wasnt our destiny
cause in my mind we had so much time, but i was so wrong
no i can believe that
i can still find the strengh in the moments we made
im lookin back on yesterday

U got it bad

2009-07-24T22:57:00.001-07:00

When you feel it in your body
You found somebody who makes you change your ways
Like hanging with your crew
Said you act like you're ready
But you don't really know
And everything in your past - you wanna let it go

I've been there, done it, humped around
After all that - this is what I found
Nobody wants to be alone
If you're touched by the words in this song
Then baby...

U got, u got it bad
When you're on the phone
Hang up and you call right back
U got, u got it bad
If you miss a day without your friend
Your whole life's off track
You know you got it bad when you're stuck in the house
You don't wanna have fun
It's all you think about
U got it bad when you're out with someone
But you keep on thinkin' bout somebody else
U got it bad

When you say that you love 'em
And you really know
Everything that used to matter, don't matter no more
Like my money, all my cars
(You can have it all back)
Flowers, cards and candy
(I do it just cause I'm...)
Said I'm fortunate to have you girl
I want you to know
I really adore you
All my people who know what's going on
Look at your mate, help me sing my song
Fallas I'm your man, you're my girl
I'm gonna tell it to the whole wide world
Ladies say I'm your girl, you're my man
Promise to love you the best I can

See I've been there, done it, walk around
After all that - this is what I found
Everyone of y'all are just like me
It's too bad that you can't see
That you got it bad...hey

breakdown

Confession Patr 2

2009-07-24T22:56:00.000-07:00

These are my confessions
Just when I thought I said all I can say
My chick on the side said she got one on the way
These are my confessions
Man I'm throwed and I dont know what to do
I guess I gotta give you part 2 of my confessions
If I'm gonna tell it then I gotta tell it all
Damn near cried when I got that phone call
I'm so throwed and I don't know what to do
But to give you part 2 of my confessions

[Verse 1]
Now this gon' be the hardest thing I think I ever had to do
Got me talkin' to myself askin' how I'm gon' tell you
'bout that chick on part 1 I told ya'll I was creepin' with, creepin' with
Said she's 3 months pregnant and she's keepin' it
The first thing that came to mind was you
Second thing was how do I know if it's mine and is it true
Third thing was me wishin' that I never did what I did
How I ain't ready for no kid and bye bye to our relationship

[Chorus]
These are my confessions
Just when I thought I said all I can say
My chick on the side said she got one on the way
These are my confessions
Man I'm throwed and I don't know what to do
I guess I gotta give you part 2 of my confessions
If I'm gonna tell it then I gotta tell it all
Damn near cried when I got that phone call
I'm so throwed and I don't know what to do
But to give you part 2 of my confessions

[Verse 2]
See when this stuff goes through be tryna figure out
When, what, and how I'mma let this come out of my mouth
Said it ain't gon' be easy
But I need to stop thinkin', contemplatin'
Be a man and get it over with (over with)
I'm ridin' in my whip
Racin' to her place
Talkin' to myself
Preparin' to tell her to her face
She open up the door and didn't want to come near me
I said why ? baby?
Please hear me

[Breakdown]
This by far is the hardest thing I think I've ever had to do
To tell you, the woman I love
That I'm having a baby by a woman that I barely even know
I hope you can accept the fact that I'm man enough to tell you this
And hopefully you'll give me another chance
This ain't about my career
This ain't about my life
It's about us
Please

Bedtime

2009-07-24T22:46:00.001-07:00

I just want you so much can I have you baby? do you hear me baby?

Craving ya body all threw the night
Feels like I'm under withdrawls
I wanna hold you
I want you inside of thease arms
Dying to taste you I can't deny
Can't get it out my mind
Please let me hold you
Cause I need ya loving to night

Whenever im near you
My love just coms down
Whenever I see you
I just want you around
Cause I wanna feel you
All through the day and the night
Whenever I'm near you
It feels like bedtime

Constantly thinking of things to do
Places where we can make love
Cause I wanna freak you
I'll freak you where ever you want
Placeing my kisses all over you
Caressing you so nice and slow
Ohhh how I want you girl
There's something I want you to know

Whenever I'm near you
My love just comes down
Whenever I see you
I just want you around
Cause I wanna feel you
All through the day and the night
Whenever I'm near you
It feels like bedtime

Do you get lonely? do I get lonely?
Thinking about me? thinking about you?
Am I the only? girl I dream of and think of at home
Are you into me? say you can't go a day with out me
Girl I love you, I want you,
I need you, I need you, I need you
Whenever I'm near you
My love just coms down
Whenever I see you
I just want you around
Cause I wanna feel you
All through the day and the night
Whenever I'm near you
It feels like bedtime
Whenever I'm near you
My love just coms down
Whenever I see you
I just want you around
Cause I wanna feel you
All through the day and the night
Whenever I'm near you
It feels like bedtime

What do i think about my appearance

2009-06-17T20:11:00.003-07:00

Appearance to all of us may be important to us. How we look may affect our personalities. To me, i think i look normal like anybody else its just my height is different from them.Appearance does not mean only how we look, its more than that. It could meant how we are dress, how we communicate to others and etc other than how we look. Some of my friends do say i look pretty, but looking into the mirror i don't think its so instead just "ok" looking. There's millions of pretty girls out there who looks much more better than i do. But as i know, all ladies here looks the same, they looked pretty thanks to the use of make- ups, so do i! Through make- ups, every each of us could aslo be pretty! Another than that what do i think about my appearance?? Looking into the mirror carefully, i find that i actually dislike my nose, lips and my face. My nose is like too big, my lips is like so abnormal ( abnormal as i don't konw how to explain how i dislike it, just in someway, i just hate it!) and my face, i dislike my face skin because its sensitive to oily stuff like whipping cream. Pimples may appear so easily which tooks it decades to fades away. Using various types of cleansers seems no use at all instead more and more acnes are actually popping out! Its freaking me out. i hope i could just go for plastic surgeries to get a brand new face! Lolz~

Calm day

2009-05-26T19:22:00.002-07:00

Gosh, was a nightmare after i got robbed last two week..remembering how he snatched my bag, how he dragged me to the ground and how hurt i was! Wat a badf luck i had that day..my arms were hurt, legs were also hurt. Thank god on that day there was a kind family saved me and brought me back their home to bandage my injuries..although it's in pain but i felt so glad that they had actually gave me a hand when they knew i'd been attacked by this bastard biker. What i can remember is that biker was wearing a blue- white sweater, black pants, either white or black helmet. Useless me who could not remember his license plate no.!! But anyway, i felt thankful for the famiy who had helped me, to shw my thankfulness to them i planned to make a cake for them as soon as possible. I wonder the next time if i got robbed again, will i be able to be as lucky as that day? Hmm..normally, i dont think so..its all depending on my lifespan the god gave to me..my life is on his hand though not i can control.. Eventually, after this incident happened, i went to the so called "priest". He actually told my sis about that he sensed that something like this would happened on me and had advice me to becareful..because of my sillyness i didnt actually stay alert in fact because i was listening to my songs, i didnt realized that a motorbike has actually targeted me from behind. After this incident had happened to me i've actually learnt a lesson which is stay alert wherever you go not only when you're alone. Keep track with the surroundings you are in and protect yourself. Have to keep a weapon with you to attack someone who wants to attack you. Living in this kind of society, peace will never be there. Not only in Malaysia, it goes to every places..No where is safe in this actual world..

Rainy Day

2009-03-29T07:59:00.002-07:00

Exams are over! What a great thing. Gonna spend all my two weeks holidays in brunei this time, Hmm..how should i schedule my days to meet them up? Should i first meet calvin up first to teach him grinding or visit st.andrew, md, pte? Just so much to think..First of all i'll first spent my time playing with gal gal..haha..i miss her soo much..so as she..lolz..cant wait to see and touch her furs..After these holidays, sem 1 is starting..*sigh*.....oh ya..not forgetting that i'll be meeting up simon low soon!! 've a long time he and i didnt meet..its time..haha..missed him and pico dudes soo much..!

X-haust1

2009-03-12T08:18:00.004-07:00

Phew~ hey everybody im back! does this sounds familiar?? ahaha..sounds like rain huh??[yo, im back! rain is coming down from the room[roof la] top lalalala~ haha..damn, im insane! haha..anyway~ am still so tired..will still be god damn buzy moving hse..monday am moving in, so have to clean the new hse..scrub the floor as blink as possible..[as if i can] saturday, my aunt from temerloh will be coming down, have no time to accompany them cause..hahha i gt plans with seng and hun d..lolz!! secret!! wanna know? can? [not now]ahahaha...second thing which really pissed me off is my $40 gone like dat!! darn that little old uncle..insisting that he didnt took my 5o bucks! yeah rite..im just 19, im not old, so dont think you can remember better than i do you dude~!! if you're not an uncle, i'll definately throw bottles at you, and give you a slap!! Dont ever try to threaten me you old folk! Geez..talking about that really put my nerves on! But, not exactly all his fault, who asked me to think something at that time not realizing how much he gave me the *change[idiot]..sigh..what happened to me? *sigh..tomorrow got oral..pastries and cake deco...i wonder how will it gonna be...hmm..[dead!] theory exam's around the corner somemore!![ definately lifeless] with my aunt and cousin here, how can i concentrate????????help me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*sigh

X-haust

2009-03-06T07:15:00.001-08:00

So exhausting!! Really have no time to update man..didnt get a good sleep these two days..yesterday was bz doing up my kitchen assignment with my friends in pj till 10pm at mib then 1am in Section 14 McD! Arrived home, got shower'sn alraedy around 3+am..then have to went through my kitchen notes somemore..shit man..so tiring..This whole month's gonna be hectic for me!! god..how long can these last????

2009-02-24T04:06:00.003-08:00

It has to give it an end after all these. Restarting and refreshing myself is what i should and can do. Closing my doorways as soon as its too late to prevent myself from regreting on what i've done. A wonderful times turned out to be an awful end. My decisions made by myself is always not right. No time of regreting as it wont help. Images inside my head flipping over and over's going to kill me. Smoking only can stop me from thinking things that i dont want to think of..but i know its harming me..am trying to avoid from it though. *Sigh its just hard to do it..Giving up on both sides might be a bit hurt but then..what i can say is be back to friends and hope you all the best. Cannot be lovers can be friends. But just need so time thats all. Seems like im ready to accept sean as a friend but for the other...soon i doubt..just have to give me some time. Anyway, just now saw sean's display pic. i doubt he found another one..so although honestly, i felt a bit hurt but then what i can do is congrats..life is like that..how is hope human like me dont have love inside..how good is it..Anyway, tomorrow im going to die as i dont get what all the costing notes explaining..so die for the test tomorrow..*geez*

Tiring Day

2009-02-15T05:12:00.004-08:00

Wow, exhausting~ Wentt out with Jamie today..was so packed in the monorail ths morning but not as bad as the darn ktm just now..packed with those kind of people with those disgust smells all over them..yuck~*puke* , hot like hell, sweat like rainpour, moody like hell queen..haha..anyway, went to sg. wang with her, accompanying her to search for scarfs. And besides looking for scarfs, i found the baby milo jacket i love but was so expensive Rm$100+ man! I dont care im going to look around for it in brunei and buy it from there lolz..Also, heard that Adam's getting married next weekend! Congrats! finally..wished them happy ever after *Amen*. Am so sleepy now...*yawn*

Calm Mood

2009-02-14T05:02:00.003-08:00

Today, my mood is slightly calm. I finally could control my emotions and feelings. Was all alone at home today, didnt thought much, was keeping my eyes busy at the dvds the whole day. Hmm..i dont think i need a doctor anymore, i guess i can overcome it myself buy anyway, i appreciate your advice my dear siew leng. Received messages from sean, not sure should i believe what he said or someone else. Anyway, i hope we can be back to friends sean, just give me some time, can you? I'm not being cruel to you i just need time and thats what i can say to you and its all i can say because i've been bothered by something else recently so am not in the mood. Dont ask me anything further. *sigh*

I'm back

2009-02-13T05:48:00.002-08:00

Back to my little cove, have an announcement to make..i'm back to single! Its just like freed from prison..manage to breathe in fresh air but at the same time desperate about something. Definately not because i broke up with Sean. Wanna know why, do welcome my other blog and read it..private as well..Valentines Day is coming..going anywhere? Friends wondered what happened to me..why am i so emo these few days? Is it because im back to single? Ans is forever no. Anyway, am not in a mood of writing today..so wished you a very valentine to you and your lover..

Sunny Day\

2009-01-26T21:38:00.000-08:00

To My Dearest Pet, Zai Zai

2009-01-19T04:02:00.008-08:00

I could still remember how i took Zai Zai as my pet from the beginning. That day was a sunday when winnie and i joined my aunt for rock climbing at somewhere near to the Batu Cave. After the climbing when i was on the way to the parking lot, winnie and i spotted these litter of puppies inside a cave. Its mother was signed nowhere. So, without wasting my time, i simply grabbed one into the car and i named it lucky at first which is later renamed to Zai Zai. I was proud that at that particular time the puppy i simply grabbed is him. He was so adorable.. just like a bear when he's little. Also, he's quite a noisy puppy. Cries every mid night when he's hungry which sometimes annoyed me. Thinking back, it was fun caring him. Cause he was so little with his eyes still closed! The way he sucked the milk from the bottle was so cute that it still made me smile at it. Four white tiny legs with his cute tail and the pair of ears he had..never knew that he's a German Shephard mix till most of my eldest sister's friend said so. Was really proud of it.cause he's not those " stray dogs". Zai Zai has a habit of crawling on the floor either when he did something wrong or he wants you to play and praise him. From young without any proper trainings from me, he could understand what we are actually feeling especially me. As his owner, i felt so sorry for him because i took him before he could hardly even open his eyes and separated him with his other siblings and mother. Anyway, whenever i feel a bitunhappy and depressed about something, he seemed to know because at that every moment, he'll make those silly actions. Those actions were really very cute which made you smile. By the time you smiled, he;ll then come to your knees and licked you. It's just like when you're unhappy, someone is there to comfort you till you feel okay. The other thing about him is that, he's naughty. Still remembered he went out and came back late made me worried like hell. Went outside and looked for him around but hasn't see any of his figure. At that second, i couldn't hold my tears because i worried someone took him away from me and i'll never had the chance to see him again. So, i went into the living room, sat there for hours, suddenly i heard those little bell sound and i looked out at the door. There, Zai Zai stood and looked at me and later he jumped onto my lap and licked me non-stop and laid down on my lap on the sofa. I was so touched by what he did so i didn't scold him. In fact, i figured that he knew he did something which made me worried. Seeing my eyes red, he licked me to tell me that he's back, don't cry, he'll always be there for me when i need him. To me, he's like my son. A son that i had that can undertstand human convo and actions. Although he's sometimes naughty, he knew how to control his behaviours. Playing hide and seek with us by hiding one of our flip flops especially michelle's pink flip flops. Crossing road is also his fav. simply crossed busy roads as he like which really sometimes worried me a lot. Thought he has a sense like we human being have, i believed him in doing anything he did, i didnt scold him. Took a lot of pictures of him so that i can always review back his past looks turns out to be memories now..It's all my fault. If i hadn't always argue with my grandaunt/uncle over him, my parents wont have forced me to give Zai Zai away to anybody. Since i had mentioned that he has the sense of what we human have, he can sensed that i'm going to give up caring him. Looking at his eyes, watery sometime, can't made me stop hugging him on my arms. Because he knew, we soon gonna give him to someone else, some said he rather leave us instead of being took care under someothers' care. To prevent me from being bothered, he rather die. It hurts me really hurts although i didn't showed it out. Cry, won't make him alive again..without him around, really missed him a lot. No wonder those days before he left me, he's so playful. And being his owner can't even understand and read his feeling, instead he does. Took back his body, isn't enough for me to feel any better. Everynite, seeing the place he's buried reminds me about how he used to play with me, how he used to crawl and run around. Can't see none anymore now..He didn't give me a chance to play with him..If one day his spirit appears to me, i really wish to see him a lot. Since his lifespan's this short, i can't do anything but to wish he can leave in peace. What i can say now to him is:
How can you did this to the ones who loved you. How can you leave us especially me.

Fair Day

2009-01-09T06:34:00.005-08:00

Hey there again..im back! Lolz..So far, nothing bad has happened over this past few days. Just a little stressed out by the studies in this sem..costing, budget and menu planning & kitchen management.!! How am i suppose to sit for these exams??? What really shocked my friends most is..i accepted someone..sean..i don't know why i did..maybe just wanna give him a chance as well to myself..maybe i want to find back the old Mable Kum..maybe wanna be happy..maybe i think i can give it a try...its not worth it waiting for that guy to respond as he didnt even do a thing till now..Like what my friend has told me " Love someone who loves you " Yeah..that woke me up..so that made up my mind so here it goes..Although at first, the feelings's kinna..awkward..but later on, i find that i can cope with it. Not sure whether he's serious or not, not sure is he fooling around with me..if i find out yes..i'm gonna skin him alive..lolz..This guy, sean..so far, not bad..sweet..treated me so good that sometimes i really wanna give hima big hug when there's no one around..but it seems like whenever he and i got together, there will always be someone in that area with us..so too bad..what i really hoped is i hope this relationship can be long term..May this happen, no one knows..hope it'll be fine..not like one of my friend, Apple..*sigh* a complicated friend...Okay, let me change the topic now..um..today i baked sweet buns! Red bean buns, pandan buns and sausage buns!!!!hahhaha..i love the work done of the sausage buns the most..hahaha..lolz...and tomorrow, gonna go to my new condo and do some measurements in the morning at 10am..sean's invited..after that gonna go to KLCC hahaha...and later dating time..lolz...

Fair Day

2009-01-01T04:03:00.004-08:00

Oh god~ my ankle is getting bad to worst..hurts a lot!!! I think it's because i overdo my yoga..so spraint my ankle. Gosh it's alraedy 3 days..and the pain dosen't go away so far..Anyway today's 1/1/09!! New year has started bt 'o8 has ended..time really flies fast! In another blink of eye, 2010 comes..not long..sigh..times flies dramatically fast which worried me. If time flies fast, i aged up faster, and so have to face my own new coming future and stay independent. By that time, i'll definately be away from my families and friends..i actually don't really hope this will happen so quickly cause i somehow haven't get ready..Since 2009 started, i gotta do something to regain my convidence which i have in me so that i'm ready to face this society myself. Heard that this new year, economy falls. I really hope although economy falls my lucks won't be affected. And since today is the first day of new year, i would like to wish my depression can recover totally so that i can start my new life and be the old Mable Kum, a happy fruit girl..i mean lady..at this age now..i don't wish to be a girl anymore..lady is much more better..haha..and i also wish although the course i'm currently studying now is not what i wanted, i hope after my this diploma i hope the dream i always wantes and hoped since 8 years, i can continue making it come true as soon as possible. I'll try my best to work out more and show out all my efforts which have been kept inside myself for 8 years so that i can achieve my dreams. Dreams can be turn to reality if we believe in ourselves. With our confidence nothing can block our way to success if you really want what you want in you life. Don't look down on ourself like i have before..it made you a negative person. Today, i thought of alot of things when i sat on the dining table alone..thinking what i really want in my life. Do i really wanna be a baker? Honestly, baker dosen't suit how i looked like..but to make my mum satisfied i have no other choice..what i really want is i don't wanna be an ordinary lady at all..Forciing myself to do one thing, the feeling is horrible..pretending you really like what i'm studying..I should have gone for interview straight away one of the music company when i just came over here..i really regret! Siew Leng, i made you disappointed..i told you by the year 2010..you'll see me on air like my idol..haha..do you remember? I don't think it can come true anymore..now's alraedy 2009..do you think i have enough time? I still remember when i told you that..i was full of hope in mind that i can do it and i will definately..I thought of that because i never knew the society now is hard to cope..hard till i tried to commit a suicide to myself...Your support to me never stops although we're not next to eachother..and i still remember, when we're in form 3..when the teacher is teaching..(forgot which subject teacher alraedy)..we both sang "ru guo de shi" still remember?? and u said my voice sounds like angela..lolz..you supported me a lot you know leng..even during the RTB singing contest 2007..you gave me a full support..but i disappointed you..that situation when i was in dat room..looking around sawing the people siting down there starring at me when i was on the middle of the stage..i felt so uneasy and i can't concentrate which made me that result..actually when i entered that room before my turn..i was so in confident that i can do it..but i don't know why it ended up the opposite way...if time can be rewind again..i'll can tell that i can do better than that..much more better..sandra can did it to semi finals because i was the one started first before she and karen..and because i told her how is the was inside the room , she got herself prepared and got ready..so she made it..but i can't..i was envy about it..but i can't do anything because i was the one who told her how it feels..i didn't tell you this before because i worried if i said it *they* think that i'm so called *small gas*. So i kept it to myself..But now, to restore my confidence i need something to compete against. It was kinna unfair to me till now. But there's no such thing as fair in this world..Yesterday, hafiz told me that he got broke up with his gf..That girl was our junior..i never saw her before though..he said at first she was a nice girl. Although she's not pretty he still treated her like a princess..he taught her how to love herself..so now, because of him, she became prettier according what he said la..she now turn her back away from him after what he changed her. He said it was unfair to him..without a proper reason, she declared a break with him and went with another guy. And i told him that there's no such thing as fair in this world and society we're living now. Although you think that its unfair..you still have to cope with it and accept the fact..When i said that..i learnt something again although that sentence was me who said it..i never know i could say those words out from my heart you know..so it made me understood that life is not as easy as u think before..although now you think that your life is like a piece of plain paper..From this plain paper, you can slowly find that this plain paper no longer remain plain after all..we just have to believe ourselves in what we're doing..if we think it's right to do follow ourselves. Don't scared of what people will say..let them say..see how long they can gossip about you...Be more confident..don't let anyone look down on you, especially yourself...*sigh*And i wanna try to give someone a chance not mun seng..don't know did i do his right? I hope he can understand my hints..

Fair Day

2008-12-30T08:34:00.003-08:00

Today, don't know how to describe my day. It's complicated..simply to say, i'm upset because i got a feeling that the person i love dosen't love me but is having a crush with my sis. Although it's just a feeling, it made me feel so terrific which mad me dosen't know how to react to it. To prevent showing out my sadness i have to express it with laughters..I know it's awkward..but i told myself that i have to control my own emotions..what am i doing actually? Should i accept someone else? so confused..i'm really seeking the last previous mable kum..where's she? The old mable kum dosen't even think about love that badly..she thinks that she can live without love existing but now, why the new mable kum's totally the opposite way? What i've always been putting at the first place is my dream career?? where's it? I remembered last year during my birthday, i celebrated in muara beach with karen then and tay, michelle and her sis, joel, shim, my mum, dad, sis..i went to the water area..put my wish letter into a glass bottle and threw it into the sea..by the second the bottle get off my hands..the heart was praying for it to come true and a tear rolled down my eyes..It's been more than a year now..where's my bottle wish gone? Under the sea bed? Will it still come true? May my wishes written inside come true? I hope if let me go back to muara beach, i hope i can get back the bottle wish and take out the wishing letter and burn it instead as i know the wished i've made for the past 8 years will never ever get to happen on me..since i didn't even have the opportunity to try to make them come true..i never gave any efforts out and do anything..do you think they will still come true without any efforts done?? If it does..that's unbelievable..Bottle wish is just a story tale..idiot dude like me..only does try it..As i aged up, i finally understands that things you hoped to happen won't happen just in a blink of eye if u wished it would happen. If really want it to happen..show up some efforts..Life is hard, but what to do? Love's not important..but love gives confidence instead..Through it, you can get supports from the person who really loves and cares you..Through love, you can feel you're protected against anything..but what's actually love? How about dream? I don't want to let go them..i don't wish to..what kind of efforts can i do? what kind? Hiding my real feelings inside me made me feel like dying inside cause i can;t stand it..Its awful..it hurts..really....

I stay in love..am i?

2008-12-27T04:32:00.003-08:00

Oh baby, Baby, i stay in love with you...

Dying inside cause i can't stand it. Make or break up can't take this madness. We don't even really know why. All i know is baby i try so hard to keep our love alive. I f you don't knolw me at this point, then, i highly doubt you ever will. I really need you to give me that unconditional love i used to feel. It's no mistaking, we're just erasing from our heart and minds. All i know we said let go butr i kept on hanging on. Inside, i know it's over. You really gone, it's killing me cause there ain't nothing that i can do. Baby, i stay in love with you. And i keep on telling myself that you'll come back around and i try to front you like "Oh well". Each time you let me down, see i can't get over you now. No matter what i do but baby, baby, i stay in love with you.

It cuts so deep, it hurts down to my soul. My friends tell me, i ain't the same no more. We still need each other. When we stumble and fall, how we gon' act like what we had. Ain't nothing at all now. Hey, what i wanna do now is ride shotgun next to you. With the top down like we used to hit the block, proud in the SUV, we both know our heart is breaking. Can we learn from our mistakes. I can't last one stand one moment alone. Now go i know. We said let fo but i kept on hanging on. Inside, i know it's over. You're really gone. It's killing me cause there ain't nothing that i can do . Baby, i stay in love with you. And i keep telling myself that you'll come back around. And i try to front like "Oh well". Each time you let me down, see i can't get over you. Now, no matter what i do

Bye Bye..it's the hardest thing to say to you..

2008-12-25T06:01:00.002-08:00

As a child, there were times i didn't get it but you kept me alive. I didn't know why you didnt show up sometimes, it's something more than saying "i miss you". But when we talked too, all them grown full things. Separation brings, you never let me know it, you never let it show because you loved me obviously, there's so much more left to say if you were with me face to face. I never know i could hurt like this and everyday, life goes on like " i wish i could talked to you for awhile""i wish i could find a way try not to cry ". As time goes by, and soon as you reach a better place, still i'll give the whole world to see your face and i'm bragging next to you. It feels like you gone too soon. The hardest thing to say is bye bye. Bye Bye. And you'll never have the chance to see how good i've done and you'll never got to see me back at number one. I wish you were here to celebrate together, I wish that we could spend the holidays together. I remember when you used to tuck me in at night with the teddy bear that you gave to me that i held so tight. I thought you were so strong that you can make it through whatever. It's so hard to accept the fact that you're gone forever. I never know i could hurt like this and everyday, life goes on like " I wished i could talk to you for a while" "i wishe i could find a way try not to cry". As time goes by, and soon as you reach a better place, still i'll give the whole world see your face and i'm bragging next to you. It feels like you goon too soon. The hardest thing to say is bye bye. This is for my people who just lost somebody. Your best friend, your baby, your man or your lady. Put your hand way up high and we'll never say bye. Mamas, Daddies, Sisters, Brothers, Friends and Cousins. This is for the people who lost their grandfathers/mothers. Lift your head to the sky cause we will never say bye bye.

Through the rain..I can make it through

2008-12-25T05:47:00.003-08:00

When you get caught in the rain with no where to run, When you're distraught and in pain without anyone, When you keep crying out to be saved but nobody comes and you feel so far away that you just can't find your way home. You can get there alone. It's okay when you say is I can make it through the rain, I can stand up once again on my own and i know that i'm strong enough to mend and everytime i feel afraid i hold tighter to my faith and i live one more day and i make it through the rain. And if you keep falling down, don't you dare give in. You can arise safe and sound so keep pressing on steadfastly and you'll find what you need to prevail. What you say is I can make it through the rain, I can stand up once again on my own and i know that i'm strong enough to mend and everytime i feel afraid i hold tighter to my faith and i live one more day and i make it through the rain. And when the rain blows, as shadows grow close, don't be afraid. There's nothing you can't face and should they tell you you'll never pull through. Don't hesitate, stand tall and say, I can make it through the rain, I can stand up once again on my own and i know that i'm strong enough to mend and everytime i feel afraid i hold tighter to my faith and i live one more day and i make it through the rain..

Fair Day

2008-12-25T01:02:00.002-08:00

I felt much more better..my throat stiill hurts, my coughs are getting better. Merry Christmas!!! Yesterday, went to lynn's house. A lot of food..was so damn full..geez, i'm gaining..have to do more excercises then..just now gave away some x'mas prsents to my sis and michelle. Hope they like it although it's not that costly due to my expenses and allowance. Tonight am gonna make dinner again like usual..sigh..so tired..tomorrow got classes again..*sigh..better than holiday la..so gtg do my excercise workouts now..so yea..

Sunny Day

2008-12-23T02:04:00.003-08:00

I'm sick today..i got sore throat, cough, flu, headache, and dizziness today..a bad day for me..but i insisted to take paracetamol because i don't wanna recover since i felt so stress..my dada wanted and warned to give away zai zai..i don't want..but he has put a restraining order to zai zai..what should i do to me? whom should i give it to?? im so bothered..totallly!! Have asked a lot of people but one of them can't and don't want..even mun seng..so bothered about zai zai now..felt so sick and tired..wanna rest, alot of clothes to fold..have to cook dinner..where got time to rest..? Can see it so clearly that my blog's no longer be update everyday anymore becouse of the time..*sigh..tomorrow is christmas eve then thursday is christmas..am going to lynn's house and celebration the eve instead of joining jessi and jon for the countdown party at the curve coz i know what my big sis will complain about..so why should i wanna get myself to bothered again if i knew the answer..am so dizzy..tomorrow there's class again..don't feel like attending..but because of the attendance i have to go no matter what, if not..something bad will arise again..im really so bothered so i don't wish to get bothered by another thing again...

Cool Evening

2008-12-15T01:19:00.003-08:00

Thinking back when i was in the ktm, the thoughts made me very scared. It made me think that i'm going to have split personalities..one cruel and one is kind. In the ktm just now, i saw a kid. This kid is kinna naughty i doubt. He kept playing around walking here and there kicking his shoes around. From that moment, due to my mood that specific time, i suddenly felt somthing telling me this and made me thought of it "how i hope this kid just fall and break his neck" and i smile a bit..when i blink my eyes i was shocked with the thoughts i had..then later something told me again.."what's the use of being a good and kind person? you won't be able to get what you want. you get more depressed but if u're wicked, cruel and mean instead, u'll infact be more happy." I really hope i can totally change myself from a kind one to a cruel one. These thoughts aren't nonsense..they are facts!! what they say i right..The points are in it..don't you think so??So, i'm and trying and will change myself..but there's gonna be a limit to be cruel.. Life is bored but what to do? Friends are not all sincere, what to do? Studies are not what you want, what to do? Dreams couldnt really come true, what to do, Cannot get what you want, what to do?? I just have to bear with it..i'm totally so confused and botrhered..what's it that's bothering me?What's dat?

Fair Day

2008-12-14T19:48:00.002-08:00

Today, my mood's not that good. I was so pissed dis morning when i went to the ktm. No mood to talk to weng hun and lynn. I'm not angry with either of them..just myself..something's wrong with me today. I went to kl sentral..feeling so uneasy and pissed off i went away without waiting for them..Later, i refused to go to MIB..so i told lynn to go MIB first, i'll go later..by then, i choose the walk back home. When i arrived at kepong ktm i saw mun seng's van..by the time i walked down, he drove away..he didnt saw me..then when i walked to the taxi station there, i saw his van again..i don't know and not sure whether did he saw me or not..i think he didn't..so i walked home. After arriving home, i made myself a large plate of spaggetti, tofu desserts left in the fridge, carlsberg, roasted duck and ate it..i ate and ate until my mood gets better. Now, i feel much more better..watched a dvd..and now feel like sleeping..i'm felt so sorry to jessi, lynn, weng hun and poon shun. They didn't do anything wrong to me..and i expressed my feelings and anger on them..i shouldn't do that to them..i'll make them feel worry and confused..why am i like that? EWhat should i do tomorrow and explain what happened to me? Jessi, i didn't do it in purpose that i rejected your call..Just now at that time, i really want to be alone..i don't feel like answering or replying any messages since i'm having a dramatic mood swing..For god sake, i hope tomorrow will be fine and i hope i won't act like today so moody and angry..I shouldn't have put my anger and sjhow my feelings out as i know it'll turn out bad. I'm really so deeply sorry about what i've done and happened to me today,yesterday, and the last previous day. I'm being so sentitive and emotional nowadays. I myself am trying to figure out what's actually happening on me..before i got the answer i hope i can still control much of my feelings and anger..trying to control from today onwards..trying to control myself by not becoming so sensitive to anything inclluding love, friendships and toward my sisters and cousins..they're not my enemies..if i continue to be like that, i know that my depreesion is getting worse to worst..i know that..what i should do now is to control. The word CONTROL to me is important.. i don't want to hurt anyone except myself..they are victims..so i shouldn't have treat anyone arond me like that..i shouldn't..i hope there's someone that can be by myside to support me and help me control part of my feelings?? I'm sorry everyone..please forgive what i've done recently..i don't mean what i've done..i hope you guys can understand..honestly, i've nothing to stress so i don't really know and sure what's going on with me..sorry, very sorry..

Fair Day

2008-12-12T22:23:00.003-08:00

Today's sucks alot..i hate it..i hate everything which is going on now..WTF!!!!!Supposingly i was really excited about the concert today..wondering how fun will it be since i never feel this kind of feeling but now, i totally lose the mood going. At first the two bitches said that they would like to go if i got the tickets. Now, i got them, they said they don't wan to go..wasting all my time asking for the tickets around..Am really so disappointed! I thought i can have the chance to relax myself there, shout and scream out all i want..but at the end?? Giving all kinds of excuses saying wanna study, tired..wat the fuck?? if exam why still wanna go online, if exam why still can sms around?? These are all excuses..When you people wants to be accompanied you can grab=nt it..but how bout me?? Never think about that?? What kind of jerks are you?? People have sisters, i got sisters but why are my sisters so damn bitchy and foolish??? Because the tickets are free so you think that it's not worth to go?? When need you to purchase that time you say no money..why not u guys go die!! Older, elder and friends are all sucks!! I hate all of you!! I swear from now onwards, i'm not gonna treat you as good as before..i swear!! Don;t ever ask me to help you do a thing or anything, i wont even lend you my hands anymore..since i want some accompaniment from you guys, you guys don't even wanna care..fine!!! WHAT I'VE SAID HERE I SWEAR I CAN DO IT FOR SURE..Don't fool me..!! Freakin pissed off..

Fair Sunny Day

2008-12-11T22:28:00.005-08:00

Hey there again, am feeling so sleepy today..anyway, the class today is damn bored, didn't get to understand anything..the lecturer, Mr.Yao or Mr. Yau, whatever the spelling is..the way he taught his students is like talking and reading to himself. The way he teach is like just flipping the pages summaring the notes without explaining them in details!! is this the way of teaching?? And besides that, there's no notes about what he's explaining. No notes is not a big deal, copy it down. You don't even have that chance to copy it down because, he jump and jump the slides happily as he wants..like playing with the mouse or maybe he enjoy clicking the mouse..never thought that the way he's teaching is so damn annoying..no wonder no one wants to attend his class at all..improve yourself in teaching la Mr.Yao/Yau since you said you're...a manager or watever manager..and studied in switzerland before..worked in Europe and etc. If it's so you won't use "these" ways to teach your students!! How you expect your students to understand you. Looking at his slides havent 15 minutes next slide alraedy..haven't even a chance to look clearly what is TPS..., the advantages, disadvantages..*sigh* dizzy one you know Mr.Yao/Yau!! And the words which i heard clearly from you is.." so", "okay", "eer", "and", "like um"...these aren't what we students want to learn..we knew that..and knew how to pronounce it much more better than you do..GEEZ MAN!! So pissed..we aren't worms in your tummy..know what you're trying to say okay?? get me??? Am alraedy so pissed..plus attending your 3 hours class made me more pissed off..Anyway, i got 3 tickets for the concert tomorrow..bringing my sis and fren along with me..i hope it won't rain..it it do..i don't know what's going to happen to me? I'm worried about my transportation back home from taman jaya too.. worried the lrt and ktm closed before the concert ends..how?? *sigh* Tomorrow, there's class again..practical i think..forgot d..dunno what happened to me recenly..siew leng, where are you again???

Calm Day

2008-12-10T04:10:00.003-08:00

Everything is fine today. Not much thing has happened to me today but just my little cousin..playing with milo powder and hide it under the coffee table until i found a tuperware of milo powder when sweeping the floor. Scolded her about it when she's showering. I gave her a chance, so i told her to cleaned up the mess she'd done and go eat her dinner i cooked for her just now. Tomorrow, there's no class again..Hope nothing will happen to me again..

Rainy Day

2008-12-09T05:02:00.003-08:00

Today, in the morning, i don't know why i dare not go to "person A" and greet him and ask him how's he? I really felt bad about it. Arriving to MIB i have to pretend i'm very happy and i smiled and laughed. They thought i was crazy saying that i didn't take my medicines..C'mon la..i just wanna be happy infront of them okay?? Doing the pastries today is kinna..bored??So sleepy but its better than staying at home. But at the same time, its enjoying when i went upstairs enjoying Bst 14s' cuisine. Not bad..After tasting each of their foods made, it's time for me to go back to the practical room to collect my pastries puffs. Later, have to do my duty. My pastries pufffs are done quite early about 3-4pm but i had to stay there till 5:30pm, to get my duty job done..After doing my duty, i changed my clothes and made a call, after that i sat on the floor sleepily..cz it's tiring..although not much job today..Later, i went down to the library and sat there until i saw that the clouds are getting darker. I quickly packed my stuff and start to get going to the lrt station before it rains, but its too late. The rain was heavy till i got all wet although i'm using my umbrella..Even my pastries got wet..so pissed! It was cold later till now i got showered..i hope because of this rain i can get a fever..i really hoped that. Now, i'm feeling so sleepy but i can't sleep because there's still alot of clothes for me to fold..also, my little cousin's mum hasn't come and pick her up..so i have to accompany and take care of her...this cousin just ate not long..now complaing that she's hungry again..i asked her to eat some biscuits but she said she don't want.Instead, she wanna eat noodle..geez..i'm lazy now...*sigh*

Rainy Day

2008-12-07T20:49:00.005-08:00

Today, its cooling..it's like my mood today, just fair, just good. Today, last day of my boredom too..going back to class tomorrow. No need to stay at home again. Anyway, what siew leng has said to me yesterday is right..don't always stuck myself at home..i need some fresh air and so i have to go out and have fun..like this i won't feel so depressed again. But i don't think i need a treatment leng..i don't need pschiatrist though..i can handle my conditions myself, don't worry. CHEERS!! Maybe suffering from depression dosen't mean 100% suffering, so really no need to worry my dear..i knew that you worried me a lot..but i promise you, i won't do anything stupid to myself..i swear..although i told you that i don't enjoy living dosen't mean i will kill myself, rite? Didn't i told you that i hope our friendship can last more than 30 years? i meant that..really..Today, i felt much more better..i know what it's currently bothering me, i know how to solutionize it. I've grown up..i know what should and shouldn't be done. Ms. Ong once said that to me " Its worthless to think worthless things". Therefore, i'll leave it be how it'll be. Life is like that..There's time when you're unhappy, there's time when u're happy, there's also times when you're full of complications..just have to solve it by ourselves one by one. Failure dosen't meant u're a failure..u just have to keep on trying..like what my ex- form tutor had told me.."never try never knows"..but if u keep on insisting that you're a failure then yes you are because you didn't even put ur own guts there and try. Don't give yourself excuses..cause in this world excuses are the main reasons that make us fail..make us a failure..Besides, trying, believe is also important to us..Believe what we're doing to aim for successes. If u don't believe yourself in doing one's work, do you think your work can be done smoothly? But before believing ourselves, make sure we have a clear mind..without it, the work you're trying to do will be all a mess and complications..which can lead you to a serious condition. Don't work too hard you'll hurt yourself. Working hard is good but not too overboarded...meaning start work at the right time you should and rest when your work time is up..don't try to think that you work more, you salary will get a rise..there's no such thing..because you fall for him so you try to work more hard and try to get all the business for him and the company?? That's not the way. What's the use of helping him when he don't even really cares?? He'll instead thank you, treat you for a meal, for helping him increasing the company's business. It's not worth it..but try to think this way..he'll one day got furious when you fail to succeed a project..what will he do to you although he's your friend?? You helped him alot..does he know it? You're just wasting your time..giving out your anger when you reached home to express your feelings on your sisters? Sisters are also human..it's not where you can express your anger to anytime you want..you're the one who made yourself too busy til you had no time to rest and sleep even eat..your occupation, yes i understand..but this is not the way to work..there's a limit..you're a robot ..Buying crystals to change your luck all the time do you think it'll really works? If it's like that all the people outside can just buy crystals to get rich no need to work hard then..Luck lies on our hand..not on crystals..it's just wasting money..why not just save the money for some more necessary things?? Too many crystals on you is not that good..do you know that..? Did you find that after you put on those crystals you feel a huge heat behing you? making you so fierce and angry person??..making people dislikes you?? I know finance is important but finding and making money is not like that..do u get me clear?? ..i hope you guys know what i'm trying to say here....enjoy life more if you can..once your life is almost ending then you'll understand..there's no more regrets after it's all over..don't regret if you don't believe this..my life is like that..i don't know when i'll end one day..so i'll try my best to enjoy one every single day..it's stupid and silly to think that..maybe it's because my life is boring so i thought of this..but anyway, trust me..

Fair Morning

2008-12-06T19:12:00.003-08:00

Good Morning again! Today i felt much more better than yesterday..hope i wont get as bored as yesterday. Yesterday, the boredom really asked me to join them for dinner near carrefour. So i said ok..waited for them made me more bored and sleepy..After we had our dinner we send off my sister's boyfriend at the bus stop. Waited so long for the bus. You know what, waiting for the bus is okay to me..the thing is i felt tlike a lamp posts lo!!!!!!!! Geez man just made me so desperate about something.. So, because i'm too bored and desperate, i kept hitting my sis and slapping her..sorry for what i've done sis!! I'm just not in a mood for some reasons...later, after sending richard off, my sis and i then went to another bus stop near SHELL and waited for michelle. There, we frightened michelle after she got off the buis..haha i so mean..lolx..sorry for that too..it's like both of them should understand me..understand why i was like that yesterday..lolx..so when arrived home..the boredom, came to me again..Before entering the door waiting for my sis to unlocked the gate, i yelled and hugged michelle..actually, i was crying..don't know why..it just come like that...told you that i'm very emotional suddenly in a blink of eyes..but they thought i was playing with them..so when i went into the house looked at he computer saw so many conversations waiting for me to reply, i slipped into the room and scream aloud in boredom..dialling my friends for help but this friend..sean..still say " heng dai" didn't even answer the call!!! What kind of "heng dai " is this huh??? thanx god i got one friendly friend, Mun Seng, who's willing to accompany me..even purposely went online to chat with me so i won't be that bored..so proud of this friend..thank you..kamsahamnida!! *sigh* i hope today i won't be that bored again..i really mean it...can someone save my day today?? my sis and friend is going to work again today..how about me??T.T HELP...ME...mianhae..

Fair Morning

2008-12-05T17:17:00.003-08:00

Today, i'm feeling deeply bad. Don't feel like talking to anyone. No one to share my feelings with. I'm feeling so lonely today, alone at home made me think a lot of things again. What should i do? Can't continue to sleep, cause i've been bothered again. My head is aching again. Staying at home no where to go. Holidays and off classes is making me sick. When i was in my sec , i've always hoped to have holidays but now i don't want it anymore. Maybe it's because the place im staying now is different from the place i'm staying before. The surroundings changed. Totally different feelings. Even watching movie and listening to songs, i can even dream about something not even focusing on the drama. What's wrong with me again. Since today i'll be staying all alone at home, why not continue to be alone..i really have no mood and don't wish to talk to anyone. I want to be left alone...emotional feelings are surrounding me..i feel like my tears can't stop rolling down on my face..

Calm Night

2008-12-05T04:03:00.004-08:00

I'm feeling so down now. Am waiting for him to go online. I was planning to dial him this noon but i didn't..I controlled myself instead. When is he going online? When can i have the chance to chat with him? Hmm..i really hope he can be online now though..I just can't stop thinking about him. oh, what should i do? I hope siew leng is here now so that she can teach me how and what to do..siew leng.......help me please..i need your help so much now..i'm so clueless now. Maybe i'm just thinking too much. Maybe if he and i didnt meet i won't have this kind of feeling. Maybe if i continue my A level in Maktab Duli; Md..he and i won't meet. Maybe if i choose not to study now i won't have the chance to see him and know him as well as fall for him. Maybe maybe maybe...there's no maybe in this world!!!! I need treatments now........T.T Wong Siew Leng get yourself show up now and help your buddy me~~~T.T. My paranoid disease is coming again.......Oh no...*sigh* i find that my life now, at this particular moment dosen't even suit for thinking about love since i've failed trice. Why is my life like that? Why can't i be like either karen then or michelle wong..can always have their partners besides them when they need them. Sometimes i get envy on them but what can i do? What i can do is to wish them and be happy and continue my journey. What's actually more important to us? Career or Love? Some said career, some said love. To me, i don't know. Now, listening to some songs made me more down..thinking back alot of my past. Thinking back what karen had apologized to me for what she had done to me, thinking back how i treated siew leng. thinking back what michelle had told me. I promised siew leng to forgive and forget..but why am i still thinking about these? All because of "person A"..not because of him, i won't kept thinking of him. Because of him too, made me feel so unhappy. Because of him, i cannot even concentrate on the things i'm doing..all because of him..*sigh* The normal me is not like that! not like that!! why am i totally changed? why? I thought i should be doing what i am supposed to do..that is study and concentrate not this..i promised myself that after i ended with tiah..what am i thinking now??? Mable...stop thinking about him, it's not worth it..so stop it!! Geez, i don't know whether he's trying to pretend nothing happened or what? why is he so brainless..can't he feel something unusual when a girl gives something to him all in a sudden?? Can't he feel something?? Siew Leng~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Calm Morning

2008-12-04T18:03:00.003-08:00

Good Morning~ today, there's no sun..don't know why..but still good not so hot so "person A" can work comfortably. No class today..don't know what should i do to spent my day today..think i'm going to catch up the drama i've watched then or listening to some songs while surfing online..later doing some excercises to keep fit..that's a good plan! Not forgetting eating some fruits everyday, not forgetting what my mom has said to me before she left to brunei. I'm a good girl.. so i will.

Calm Night

2008-12-04T05:29:00.001-08:00

Now, i felt much more better after i received one call from the person i've always waited for. i'd waited for either his reply or call from this "person A". Feeling so desperate waiting until i lose my mood. By then, i told myself that if by today he didn't reply me thats it. Then when i was half excersing.. doing my yoga, my phone rang..i thought my eldest sister called me since she called me before this call..so i walked slowly towards the computer table and took my phone. Before pressing the answer button..i was surprised.. it's him..i was so proud, honestly. My mood by then changed..totally..and now, i realised that what has been bothering me so long is this. Finally found the answer. I hope i can get more calls and text messages from this "person A" Even a call is enough to fulfil my day! Age difference dosen't matter at all to me.. not younger than me then its fine. I don't really know what on/in him made me fall for him. Maybe his smile..i find that his smile is sweet. Every time, morning..saw his smile wake me up..fully charged. That's what my friends always said that every morning when they saw me high and happy. Is that true? haha..no idea though! Thinking back from now, i remembered i first met him when i'm walking to ktm to catch the train to my college. There, i spotted this guy. He greeted me with a smile. That smile electricuted me! I don't know why.. From then, i started to give him all the baked products to this "person A" not to trade anything back. It's just to make me happy and can get close to him, talk to him, be friend with him but not to get free drinks or food from him and his dad. Some friends told me that he gave me free drinks is because i gave him my baked products. Give baked products to trade and exchange for free stuffs.. but that's not what i want..i mean it seriously. I'm not greedy for free things..that's why i try to avoid him when he tries to give me a free drink or food..i want to proof to my friends and sisters that i'm not that kind of person. Today, i admitted that something is wrong with me, i don't know why i stopped and listened to him. He asked me to stop so that he can give me a drink..and i did..gosh, what is happening here? Maybe it's because i missed him..Like tomorrow,Friday, class cancelled..saturday no class, sunday no class..then monday, holiday. See, cannot see him again...i'm really so sad about it. Sometimes, i feel like calling him out for tea or hang around somewhere..but i didn't cause i don't think it's necessary..like i'm not a man..that's not my job!! that's what my friends always told me that..esp. siew leng..i know siew leng will not agree me to do that for sure..to prevent me form getting hurt since she understood me more than the others did..so thinking that, i didn't do it. Just leave it..*sigh*

Rainy Calm Day

2008-12-03T23:58:00.000-08:00

What's the matter with me these days for being so emotional and so moody?? What's going wrong with me? Nothing big deal has actually happened..why??..so bothered about something..how can i get rid off this? how?? Just like today..moring i was fine..happy in a great mood but when i arrived to MIB, this feeling started to come again..its just like being possessed or something. Just a second, i just seemed to changed into another person.. moody, bothered, emotional..Don't tell me i really have two identity even i myself don't know..like i used to said to one of my friends, Jordine Maxime..that i have a twin sister named Mable and Elbam. Mable is always the emotional one and not that high but for Elbam, a bit super duper hyper active..kept on laughing for no reason, likes to play around..mood is always stable..Honestly, that was just a story made by me last year..if i have this identity in me, i think i'm really in a trouble. I must start to look and search for a pschiatrist to do some medical check- ups in order i can cure myself up and become the normal and happy, nothing to worry Mable Kum like i was last time. When did i really start to change the way i am now? When?? I used to be brave, and strong person..but what am i now? I'm becoming to understand myself lesser and lesser..don't really know who i am soon if this condition continnues..i'm really afraid something in me is going really wrong. My feelings these days too has distracted my health as well. Making me headache, bodyache, paranoid, day dreaming, losing appetite but gaining weight!! Gosh..can everything go back to normal before i really can't stand it and make myself collapse one day??? Negative thoughts are all entering through my mind and soul..i couldn't take it any longer anymore..im so bothered with a lot of things..a lot!!!!!!..am soon losing my way to live..

Love

2008-11-20T05:57:00.001-08:00

To: Edison Tiah,

To me, i can say that i'm not ready for loving someone or to be loved by someone. I'm kinna blur about it. What's love actually?? I really have no idea.. i knew the defination but i don't know how to handle it. I'm a person who can't handle and control my feelings..meaning, i cant handle them properly at all! No control at all too..So do you think im'm ready for love?? Frankly speaking, i sucks a lot when comes to love.. I'm now full of complications handling this. One in brunei and one in malaysia..distance is really far apart..saying that you lost confidence on him is false..i never try to stop believing him. you.. The major problem is what i've said previously, i'm actually not ready. Trying to push away and stepping a step back again i think is the best choice i've done but why did i start it over again? I don't understand myself. I feel like a fully jerk fooling your feelings..shall i end it again or continue.. really stress and bothered me alot. This really bothered me quite a long time till i refuse to text or reply your messages. I know that's rude and irresponssible, but i have no other choice. I really don't know how to open up my mouth and tell you that the choice i've made that day is wrong..i should think clearly before i start it all over again..you're right edison..sorry about all this..You can hate me, i won't stop you because i'm the one who made this big mistake. Blacklist this kind of me.. I'm not like what you said previously, i'm not! Trying to push you away, the step i took is avoiding you..i know you knew it for sure. Don't try to lie to yourself. I don't even want to lie myself too. That's why i chose this. End quickly to avoid deep hurts. I don't wish to hurt you again..We've said to each other before if this last time we still can't go through no more other chance, remember? You've been a good boyfriend i've ever had at this moment. But everything which is unstable has to end it with a fullstop which is done and over. I appreciate your love you gave to me. I appreciate the gift you gave to me but i can't do it anymore.. i dont have confidence too.. I'm wrong..really wrong..i'm sorry. I'm worst than alyssa..i hurt you three times more than she did..i'm deeply sorry. I decided to write all my feelings here to you because i worried i can't open up my mouth to speak to you in person. Like i said, you can hate me for that but don't worrybecause i'll never and wont appear to you from today onwards when and after you read this. Not gonna appear to you even i go back. And we'll never will meet up again. Last but not least, hope you get someone much more triple better than i do..take care.

Journey of my life

2008-11-20T05:29:00.000-08:00

The route of my life besides thanking my parents, i also wished to thank this person. She's one of my important friend to me forever..without her i can't even have the strength and confident to do a single task..without her too, i can't even have the chance to improve my skills to study well..This person is Wong Siew Leng. She's always there beside me advising me and helped me alot when i'm in trouble. She never push herself away from me..not a single time. Its me who did which really hurts her. She can even forgive what i've done to her. Sorry and thank you..!! I met her when she entered St. Andrew's School from tutong. She's quiet and hardworking not forgetting smart..haha..smart ass..From that year, we became friends then good friends then best friends then sisters..unbelievable..Although now, we've been seperated, she's in Adelaide, im in Malaysia, that dosen't and wont affect our relationship.. we're always friends forever..we believed there's one day we can get to each others side not long..Friends, i've always asked and questioned myself, what's friends for? What's Friends? Are they part of my life? These questions pops up on my mind everytime..don't know why..At the moment, i define friends as people who lend their hands to you when you face difficulties, people who u can believe, people who can change your life. I found this answer after i met and had Siew leng this friend..i really adore her a lot. She and i was misunderstood to be lesbians before..haha..we're not though we're straight..we looked like one because we're closed together! After coming back to Malaysia, im seeking to find one friend like siew leng.. till now..still in progress. Without friends around you, your life will be full of lonliness..through that, depression will occurr. Friends makes every one of us happy by spending time with them playing, shopping, joking, etc.

Talking back out by journey to my life, honestly, i don't wished to live long. Everytime, i wished for this when i blew off the candles light. I made this wish is not because i still hate this family but it's for some other private reason. To someone else, they hope to live up till 90+ not me..To me living till 60 to 70 is enough. People will sure said im crazy..this is'nt crazy at all..different people have different thougths. Before aging up, i hope the dreams i always hoped since young can come true..that's what i really wanted most not relationships, not creating and have my own family..Openly, my dream is i don't wish to be an ordinary human like anybody else, i want to be someone different.. That's what i really want to be not a baker actually and honestly..

My History

2008-11-20T04:39:00.000-08:00

Everyone of us here sure has their own history, history about their past life, either happy or sad. Mine, even myself dont even really know to describe it. Let me start like this..
When i was young i admit that i'm not a good child, daughter and sister. Lolz!! Why i said this?? Of course there's several reasons, not a reason! In short, when i was young i always hated living under the "KUM'S FAMILY". I always swear my paents and etc. This is because when i was young, i have always been smacked by my dad for these reasons..1) Poor results 2) Naughty. I could still remember how hurts it is till now. Although thinking back will make me unhappy, but think wisely, if my dad didnt had smacked me, i dont even learn a lesson..i really deserves thise smacks. So now, as i grew up i really appreciate what my parents have done on me though it's a sad and pain memory. These memories will never be wipe away from my mind and heart. I knew my dad felt bad after smacking me very hard with canes or his belt..i can see that..really can see that..My dad, by looking at his appearance, a lot of my friends said he's a fierce man. Honestly, don't judge a book by it's cover. My dad is actually a funny person. He loves joking around but when serious times comes don't try to dare him..you won't recognise him by then..What he said is totally different form his heart. When he said he don't wish to have a daughter like you, he dont mean his words. Instead, he'll waits for you to go online to chat with you..he'll wished to buy you the best fast notebook..he'll give you pocket money although you still had money to spend..You know wat. it's quite hard to fing and have this kind of father although sometimes he's..///??..????///!!//. However, my mum, also a friendly lady. She's understanding..sometimes..haha..get mad easily..dont like to joke..may become serious very quick..My mum is adventurous..when i was young, i hate her one thing. The one thing really made me hates her lots..that is mountain trekking..Have you ever experience what i've experienced? Trekking when it's 1 pm...even if having exam, also need to go for trekking??? Have you ever saw a girl holding her notes and memorize alomg with her when she's trekking?? i did!! that girl is me! Gosh..thats though.. have to memorize under the hot sun on top if the mountain..crossing rivers, forests. rocks...that notes is history notes again..stress or not?? SIGH...Talking back that really is funny..LOLZ..hope that incident won't happen again..my mum started bringing me and my sisters to mount trek when i was 5 or 6 years old till last year, 17 years old..She also brought my second sis and i to mount kinabalu.. CLIMB LIKE HELL..COLD LIKE HELL..but was fun though..3 times gave me alot of memories..different memories..All these memories i wont dare to forget. Reviewing these memories may sometimes tears me up. How i treated my parents when i was young really regrets me..i shouldn't have done that to them..i don't have the guts to tell then face to face that i love them very much and thank them for bringing me up, well- behaved..really thank to them..they've been a great parents to me honestly..really..Here, i would like to say this to my mum and dad.."Dad, Mum, thanks for all your efforts on me and my other two sis..you both, although's tired you guys still have to work and pay up my fees and give me allowance..i dont know how to pay u back these appreciations..wat i can do is caring u both when u're old..i mean my word..without u guys, kum chee mei never can exist..I love you!!